Tuesday, 30 December 2008

Not a fan

I do not approve of myself waking up early, and I have even greater disdain for the fact that I decide to "take advantage" of this early awakening to go and do some excercise. I am not amused.

I started reading Love in the Time of Cholera yesterday and judging by the first line, I think it's going to be a great read:

"It was inevitable: the scent of bitter almonds always reminded him of the
fate of unrequited love."


Sounds perfect.

Monday, 29 December 2008

I stepped on something spikey...

So last night I went out with some friends for coffee and icecream by the beach. It was very nice until I stepped on something spikey in the sand.The bottom of my foot is covered in these little dots now. It turned out the be a puffer fish or something and now my foot is very owie. At least, it is when I use it for things like walking and such.

Speaking of walking, the coffee actually worked last night and I didn't get to sleep until about 2am. Grr. Double grr is that I woke up at 7:20am. Guess who's in a good mood? So, since I was awake I thought I'd better make use of the early start and begin my new excercise regime. I haven't done any physical activity since uni ended and I stopped walking to class (and even by the end of uni I was driving a lot due to my inability to be punctual). I haven't gained any weight, but the fat has redistributed itself and it's not looking good. Lol. I think it also has a lot to do with the fact that I have been in a bad, bad mood and I have been eating a lot of takeout. A LOT of takeout.

So anyway, the walk. I managed to last for about 15 minutes. The longest 15 minutes of my life. It was just so hot - I obviously hadn't woken up early enough. And I forgot how hilly this area is. Oh. And I broke into a run at the end which lasted about a minute 'til I got to my door. I didn't mean to run! It's just that I needed to cross a road and there were cars coming so I decided to just go anyway and ran across... and then I couldn't figure out how to stop. It was horrid. When I got home I collapsed and died.

Tuesday, 23 December 2008

RICH, I tells ya!

So, two of my Twilight auctions have ended with the following results:
Twilight calendar: bought: $20 sold: $78
Twilight boxset: bought: $92 sold: $199

Total profit: $165.

Last month's phone bill that was so big I never bothered paying: $197. Oops. So yeah, not so rich any more. The money will be going towards that. But it was tres exciting in the meanwhile. (note the use of the word tres - doesn't it show my worldliness and ability to switch between languages? Doesn't it make me sound a million times better than I actually am? Wouldn't the word very have been sufficient?)

I still have one more calendar that will end tomorrow, and that's currently at $50. I'm pretty pleased with all that.

On another note, I'm going to do something that I don't normally do because what I saw this afternoon has really stuck with me. Although I am possibly the bitchiest person in the world, for the last 4 years or so I've tried not to make comments on the clothes people wear for the following reasons:
  • I understand that not everyone has an expendible income that they can fritter away on clothes.
  • Not everyone has access to certain clothes.
  • Not everyone feels the need to put effort into what they are wearing
  • AND ABOVE ALL I'm pretty sure that I am the least most suitable person to comment on what others are wearing, because I, more than anyone, are always dressed incorrectly for a situation, or just cannot be bovvered. And I'm pretty sure that people must think such bad things about what I wear that I try to not make judgements on others in some odd way of trying the stem the effects of karma...

With that in mind, I want to comment on a teenage girl I saw today. Yes, I'm a terrible person, making a comment about someone during the worst, most uncomfortable years of her life. It's just that this girl sort of typified every teenage girl at the moment.

Firstly, she was wearing a very pretty dress and a cardigan. Not bad, eh? Except, that it was sooooo muggy today, that the cardigan was probably worn because she might have been uncomfortable with herself in that dress, as I notice my little sister does all the bloody time (Mary, if you're not comfortable wearing that, don't buy it! Although, you just cannot communicate this with a teenage girl). Except, I think she should have been less uncomfortable with her top half, and more uncomfortable with the fact that her dress was so short I could see what she ate for breakfast. Seriously, I was so uncomfortable with its length. Yes, I understand, summer+current trends= rising hemlines. But this was one slight lean away from me knowing where she buys her underwear.

When did people become confused about the difference between a dress and a long top? My sister did it once and did not hear the end of it from me. Her excuse: but I'm wearing tights with it. First of all, they are 40 denier stockings. Secondly, I DON'T CARE. Her friend the other day did the same thing. We went to pick her up (in St. Claire. Bloody hell, why does Mary know people who live all the way out there? Yes, I'm suburbist) and she comes out of the house wearing a long top and shoes. But you can't say anything because they are at that age where you know nothing and they know everything.

How Harry Potter of me!

You'd think I'd have noticed this a long time ago, right? WRONG! Last night I was putting moisturiser on when I noticed that I have a two centimetre scar on my forehead?! How do you go 23 years without noticing something like that? So I called my grandma asking if I'd ever hit my head as a child (it would explain a lot of things) and she couldn't think of any time, then I called my mum and after lots of thinking she's like, that does sound familiar... I think you were 2 years old and you fell and cut your head. What a terrible mother!

So anyway, I now have a new(ly found) scar on my head to go with the random bruises that dot my body. They are literally dots, slightly smaller than a 5 cent coin, all at various stages of fading, all randomly placed, all very annoying!

Monday, 22 December 2008

Wasted Day, or just a Lazy Day

Today I finally had a day off and it's been crap. Lol. Yesterday I only worked a half day and it was fabulous: woke up in a good mood, ate a croissant, read travel magazines, luxuriated. Today I went to bed reasonably early considering I had today off (10:30/11ish), woke up at about 8:30 after a terrible sleep, and then did nothing all day. I lay in bed and watched Race to Dakar and that is all. Trent came round at 2pm to give me a Christmas card to my extreme embarrassment because I was still in my bloody pjs with no sign of getting out of them. I'm still in them, in fact. I was thinking of inviting everyone round for dinner tonight but I'm too lazy to get out of my room, let alone cook!

Meanwhile, I've been cheering myself up by going through travel magazines and getting ideas for next year. I've also borrowed Europe on a Shoestring from work to really get started.

Saturday, 13 December 2008

Reading...

So, nerd that I am, I watch the ABC's First Tuesday Bookclub each month, or rather, I download the vodcasts and watch those. I just finished watching the latest show and was so excited that next month they'll be reading Steinbeck's The Grapes of Wrath. Was I writing in this blog when I read Grapes this year? Too bad if this is just repetition. It's the book Nonno said was the greatest book he had ever read, and he used to read a lot, so that's saying something. Since I was 15 and first read Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men for school, Nonno had been on my case to read Grapes, but as soon as I saw its size I was immediately turned off. I'm so sad that I waited until after he died to finally read it because I would have loved to discuss it with him and tell him how fantastic the book was. Is it weird that often I love books that have torn my heart out and left me feeling desolate? Cos that's what this book did to me. But I basically judge a good book on whether it has left an impression on me, and this one totally did.

It's funny (not ha-ha funny, but ironic/strange funny) that I can see echoes of what happened in the book, set in the Great Depression, in today's uncertain financial climate. I was watching Deutsche Welle (because I'm weird and really enjoy this German news and business news programme) and they were saying how in the US over 500 000 people have claimed unemployment benefits for the first time.

Played a cute game called the Germanizer. Unfortunately, I'm just not German enough!

Thursday, 11 December 2008

Weirdest

Had the weirdest dream last night and I blame work. For the last half hour or so before I left at 11 I had been clearing and sorting out the bays we keep some of the books in out the back sort room. I'm incredibly anal so it was done in a particular way (until it was time to go home so things were quickly shoved in). So my dream was basically me sorting things. As such, I've had a terrible sleep because I was constantly alert in my dreams.

Meanwhile, something I've been thinking about for awhile is things I'll do when I graduate (in 2011) and get a real, grown-up job. And so:

THINGS I'LL DO WHEN I'M A GROWN-UP:
  • Get matching wooden hangers for my clothes. It's a very adult thing to do - Vogue said so!
  • Have a library in my house, or, failing that, have one wall that's just books.
  • Have a dog.
  • OWN a house, but that's not for a very long time after graduation and after living overseas for a bit. Really I only want to own a house so I can buy a dog.
  • Host dinner parties. With courses. And I'll refer to them as soirees. Even though for the first 3 years after graduation I'll probably be stuck out in the country...
  • I'll be one of those people that not only gets things drycleaned, but will have a "good relationship" with my drycleaner, as they say is imperative in all the fashion magazines. I'll even be able to recommend my drycleaner to people. "Oh, have you tried _____? They're fabulous! They saved that dress of mine..."
  • I'll learn more Italian. Maybe I'll even go to Italy and learn over there like the woman is doing in the book I'm reading...
  • I'll be terribly up-to-date on current affairs and such and make comments like, "Isn't it just awful about what's going on in ________?"
  • I'll have lived in another country... again. I'm thinking England because of the opportunities for Australian teachers, but maybe I should go somewhere completely new, like Canada.

That's all I can think of for now. I think it just boils down to me wanting to be pretentious and smug. Cannot wait.

Wednesday, 10 December 2008

Chasing Paper

So, for those not in the know, I'm going to be spending these holidays working. The End. I've basically been working since the 27th November and it's not letting up until Christmas Day. And each week I'll have to be travelling down to Sydney to work with Stephanie for my mum. I went down last week straight after work on Wednesday which finished at 11pm so I got there late and had barely any sleep at all and worked heaps. I had to stay there until Saturday because I had been asked to work Saturday. I hadn't asked how many hours I would be needed for, but when I got there at 3pm it turned out it was just for 2 and a half hours. It was so not worth it. I'll probably get $80 for that time, but could have potentially made more from Borders... that's if I was given a full day, but who can say? As it is, I seem to be getting nowhere with my money situation. So far everything's gone on bills and rent. My Germany savings are still somewhere around the nowhere mark. In fact, going down to Sydney for Stephanie only earnt me $300, minus about $30 in petrol, and just the general exhaustion that came with it, coupled with the fact that Steph's mum just called me to confirm my hours last week, meaning she hasn't paid me yet, and at the earliest I'll get the money on Friday. Grrr.

Meanwhile, seeing as I like to make myself miserable, I'm reading When In Rome. There's something so sweet and sour about reading travel memoirs: I love to read about people's experiences and hope something like that could happen to me, but it's coupled with the knowledge that I'm stuck here reading about it rather than actually doing it...

Tuesday, 9 December 2008

Oh My!


The ballet!!!

I'm so in love with it.

Jenni and I got all frocked up and eventually got into the city after me having a massive panic about losing my wallet which has now been found ... in my bedroom. How embarrassing! In my defense, my wallet is black, and it was in amidst a big group of Borders bags which have Christmas presents in them, and the bag is also black. DON'T JUDGE ME!

So anyway, we had dinner at a bistro under the Opera House and then went in and watched Manon. May I just say, WOW. It was so much more than I thought it would be. I was worried that I'd be a little bored, but instead I was enthralled. The story is of a girl who falls in love with a man who doesn't have much money, but her brother wants her to marry a very wealthy man. She's torn between the two and eventually there's a fight culminating in her brother getting killed and Manon being arrested as a prostitute. She is deported to America with her not-wealthy lover and gaoled, and there she catches the gaoler's eye who tries to give her gifts, when he is killed by the lover. Two two escape to the swamps of Louisiana where Manon dies.

My favourite part was when Manon's brother, Lescaut, was drunk at a party and did his drunken solo and a drunken duet with his mistress. It was so funny - seeing this mixture of grace and slosh. :) I also thought the ending was so effective when the two were in the swap and behind them, through the smoke and almost dream-like/montage-like, the various characters they had met through the play appeared and moved through the mist. Absolutely beautiful. I can't wait til I can see my next ballet!
In other news, I got home at about midday today and was eating lunch when I thought I'd better check when I start work today. Yeah. I was meant to start at 9. Awkward. Called them and settled it that I would go in at two, and they were fine. Crisis averted!
Also, check this out:
For some reason they've disabled embedding, but that's cool. It's called "Jizz in My Pants". Not sure if I like this one better or "Dick in a Box".

Saturday, 6 December 2008

On being a nanna

So it's 8:43pm and I'm forcing myself to stay awake so as not to be a total nanna. I've already napped today, and in my defense, I did work (for two and a half hours, consisting of me watching The Muppets Take Manhattan and The Muppets Movie) and I did drive for an hour and a half. Very difficult day.

Everyone moved out yesterday, so it's just me and Dong, who isn't here on weekends, so tonight it's just me. Kind of loving the solitude at the moment. Although, I came home tonight to find the house smelling absolutely rotten. Obviously a combination of the house being shut up in this heat, and I really do believe this, but the fact that Miranda's old room is open. MY GOD THE SMELL. I had to go in there and open the window wide open in the hopes that it airs out. I remember one time when I really needed to print something and she let me use hers (in return for me dropping her and her friend later than night at the bus stop), I went into her room for the first time and nearly gagged. She never used to open her window, and seeing as she spent all of her time in there, you can only image how rank it smelt.

Now the whole house smells like that. So glad she's gone.

I got my exchange reference from Patrick, my creative writing tutor, and it was GLOWING! Loves it.

Sarah was the only one of my 30+ students to obtain a High Distinction in what is perhaps one of the more challenging subjects for students in that the assessment tasks are a combination o traditional academic essays and the student's original creative work ... she communicates with ease and confidence, affirms comments by her fellow students, and demonstrates a willingness to extend discussion.

Yes, I talk too much. It's worked in my favour. :P But I'm a bit shocked about my actual results though. I was definitely not one of the stronger writers in the class, so it's odd to find I'm the only one with a HD. Hey man, I'm not complaining! Obviously, my story loosely based on the erotic masseuse I met in New York came through for me. Now I no longer need to regret declining her offer to make some money while I was in NYC, cos I've gotten something out of her.

On another note, I love this line from Trespass Mag:

The Jonas Brothers aren’t breaking up. Apparently someone, somewhere, thought they would. When they’re not using their purity rings to summon Captain Planet, I think their father has them on a pretty tight leash…

Love the image of them summoning Captain Planet, although I'm sure their purity rings would summon someone like... Jesus?

Wednesday, 3 December 2008

My ballet dress

So I'm completely moved out and have cleaned out my old room. All that's left to do is sort through my bags of books I bought last week in the last staff appreciation day at work and try and figure out where I will put those books and then put up all the little knick-knacks I've accumulated. I almost feel like it's not worth putting them up, because all they do is gather dust, and I'm loving how neat the room looks without them, but I don't know what else to do with them! Maybe I'll see if mum can take them and put them somewhere at her place, though I doubt it, seeing as she can't even seem to find room for a photo of us kids...

Anywhore (yep, too much d-listed), I'm getting really excited for the ballet on Monday which was exacerbated by the surprise visit of Jenni and Nick at work on Sunday who were on their way back to the Mountains after a week-long camping trip in Forster. Love you two! So Jenni and I are going to see Manon, and, according to its website, critics are raving about it... though would they put a bad review on their own site? Meanwhile, does it even matter if it's crap? What do I have to compare it with? My year 6 dance concert?

In honour of the ballet, I went out and spent $100 I don't have on a beautiful new dress:


The photo doesn't make it look very good, but it's basically a black dress with silver thread running through it, and it actually looks nice on me. I know - crazy! I got it from Diana Ferrari and bought a necklace and earrings to go with it. It was orignally $169 but I had a 40% off voucher for it, so really, it's a total bargain, yeah? Even to me, that sounds really hollow. But I really wanted to use the voucher, and I saw this dress, and I had to have it. I'm going to take it home and show my grandma and see what she has to say about it, whether I should keep it or not. Is it wrong that I run every major purchase (and even minor purchase) past her? Also, I think it needs strappy heels, and I've only got closed in black heels. It will have to do.

Monday, 1 December 2008

On the plus side, I found a dollar.

I think I'm done for the night. I'm very over this. I can't even be bothered making dinner. I'm gonna go get some nasty takeaway because I'm too exhausted to make dinner.

Oh, and the washing machine is broken. Again. Even though the guy came to fix it today. And I found out the hard way: my washing is still in there and has been for about 4 hours, but because it's a front loader, the door won't open.

I'm so glad that ALL MY UNDERWEAR is in there.

I will say that I'm enjoying the position of my room as I can watch the TV in the loungeroom from my desk...

What the hell was I thinking?

So I'm currently in the process of moving rooms from my little shoebox in room 5 to Anne's old room, #1. I spent the last 10 minutes moving the bed from it's original position to another one before deciding to turn it 180 degrees. It now faces the window, which I'm sure will come back to bite me in the arse. I keep thinking, "It's OK cos my bed faces the window now and it's fine," and then I remember that my room doesn't actually get any sun... meh. I'll just deal. It's the only real way to be able to have the little shelf for my TV.

Now I'm going to tackle moving my bookshelf. I'll probably update this throughout the day as I get more and more pissed at myself for deciding I need a bigger room for the next seven months...

**UPDATE**
11:23 - it just took me twenty minutes to clean, organise, and finally move the wire stand I keep my toilletries (sp?) on. It's going to be a long-ass day.

**UPDATE**
12:10 - erm... so my bookshelf won't move. Have called a boy to get help moving. Poor Beau!

**UPDATE**
12:28 - found a sock that's been missing for about 6 months! Luckily, I'm stubborn and never threw out the other sock...
**UPDATE**
2:22 - Beau came and we moved my bookshelf and watched Oprah. Now I'm going to have lunch, but that one hour break has done something to me and now my back hurts. WTF?!
**UPDATE**
6:05 - Oh god, it's six o'clock and I've done nothing. NOTHING!
**UPDATE**
6:40 - there's just so much! Oh, and the guy came to fix the washing machine and replaced the programme knob, but it turns out it's the whole washing machine that's screwed. Good to know, now that I've run out of clothes...

Friday, 28 November 2008

This one's for Michael!!

So, I've spent the last three days being a hermit! Basically all I do is eat, work and hole myself up in my room and watch Long Way Round, and now that that's finished, Long Way Down! It's nuts! These shows have made me really want to go travelling NOW! I've decided to try and go to Ukraine next year (note to self: ask Natalia to take me) and although I've never been particularly interested in Southern Italy due to my nan's indifference-bordering-on-contempt of southern Italians, I now want to go to Palermo and Sicily!

Gotta get my ass into gear!

*exclamation points courtesy of Michael and Matthew Reilly's amazing writing abilities!

Wednesday, 26 November 2008

Interrupted

So I went down to Sydney yesterday morning to see my nan. God, I love her so much. I picked her up and we slowly made our way around the shopping centre, trying to find some homewares for Jonas' new appartment. She was absolutely adorable and wanted to pay for everything, but I wouldn't let her, although she did manage to buy me a pair of slippers. I took her for yum cha for lunch. Sooooo delicious, but I forgot that she wouldn't be a fan. She likes knives and forks, and large plates. She liked the food, but wasn't suited to the yum cha-iness of it all.

Then I went home to her place and stayed there for a bit until Daniel came home, then I high-tailed it to Rouse Hill shops to hang out at Borders and wait for Rach to finish work. I'm such a sucker, and one of those mineral makeup people managed to get me to sit down while they showed me how natural and beautiful their makeup was on me. I'm kind of shocked at myself, because for the first time ever I told the girl what I actually thought: the makeup looked caked onto my skin and so unnatural that it was a bit embarrassing. Then I felt bad and said how much I liked the blush. So I went to buy it - because that's what I do when someone gives me a free makeover: spend all my money on shitty products - and it was $50!!! I was like, erm, no. I don't even pay that much for my Estee Lauder blush. And I don't buy that stuff at some random stall in a shopping centre. And shockingly, I told her that I couldn't justify paying that much for blush, saying I wouldn't pay more than $30, and she said she couldn't go lower than $40, so we parted ways.

I'm shocked at my audacity! I said the truth to a stranger trying to sell me something, and managed to get away with my money and a somewhat bad makeover!!!

I'm going to use this new-found ability in the next election when I discover the way to dodge the pamphlet people!

Meanwhile, I went to Rachel's and we had a wonderful night of movies-so-lame-they're-amazing whilst watching Goal 2 and St. Trinian's. It would have been an awesome two days but yesterday I got asked to come into work, and seeing as next week I have 13 hours, I couldn't say no to the money, so I had to leave Rachel's house at 7:30 after barely any sleep and go to work. I had all these awesome plans to do bingo with my nan, and of course after I told her I had to go to work my cousin Maria calls to let nan know she's coming down to spend the day with her. Grrr. I really like her and it would have been fun to do bingo and lunch. Oh well, next time.

Sunday, 23 November 2008

Oh, and I would have almost been able to cross off "Swam with dolphins" from my list but Saturday was such a bad day. We went on a dolphin watching cruise, and it was so exciting cos I got to see the dolphins in the water, but the funniest part was when we were heading back to shore because of the galey wind and the boat rocked so bad that Rachel and I, much to the amusement of Nicole and Angela, completely lost balance and started being pitched about, culminating in me hitting my cheek on the metal seat. I was worried it would bruise and I'd have another thing to complete my battered-wife look, but it's just really red. It was so funny though!!!
So sick.

Drank too much.

I was going to go to a movie but the hangover kicked in late. Was perfectly fine upon waking, but about 4pm it hit me.

Meanwhile, Nan tells me today she loved how happy I was when I called her last night. I had to inform her that when I called I was so freaking drunk. It was 8pm, how embarrassing! So now she doesn't think it's such a good thing if I'm so happy...

Friday, 21 November 2008

Hurrah for the Weekend!

So tonight I'm off to Fingal Bay for the weekend.

Yay. An entire weekend with Emma's stank boyfriend. Yay.

Anywhore, I hate packing for a weekend away because there are so many variables: will it rain? Will it be hot? Will it be hot in the day but cold at night? Will it be cold in the day but hot at night? Will we go out somewhere nice? Too many.

So I've basically packed two pyjama bottoms, two dresses, a pair of jeans, two tops, a skirt, a jacket, a cardigan and then the usual extras. Oh, and two pairs of shoes not including the ones I'll be wearing there.

Yep. It better be good. If all else fails I'm just going to sit on the beach and read.

Thursday, 20 November 2008

Am I bovered???

This is one of those "what have you done" copy+paste jobs. The things I've done are in bold.

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said "I love you" and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped and I doubt I will...
11. Visited Paris next year, fingers crossed
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa next year???
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables (when I was little we grew pumpkins and cherry tomatoes...)
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne (too many times...)
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster (I miss Wonderland. The Demon was my bitch!)
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and didn't care who was looking (that's called a Friday night)
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states (I've only visited... 10)
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched whales (I think I'm doing this on the weekend...)
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe (Next year hopefully...)
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing (does indoor count? It does now.)
49. Taken a midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland (next year? but probably won't get a chance...)
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero (pretend? I call it LIFE.)
58. Sung karaoke (again, it's called LIFE.)
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theatre
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites (hopefully next year!)
70. Taken a martial arts class (erm... I've watched a lot of other people's martial arts classes... does that count?)
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice (please, next year, PLEASE! And with a cute boy, please!)
80. Gotten a tattoo (never have, never will. As Nonno always said, once they're there, you're too easily identifiable to the police.)
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on a television news program as an "expert"
83. Gotten flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents (I consider Nonno to be my father...)
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently (I speak a few different ones, but not fluently. One day...)
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children (I raised two kids for a year. Done.)
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Passed out cold
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country (I've caught a bicycle-taxi in the Philippines, but that's it.)
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge (didn't walk it... I just stood in front and smiled for the camera...)
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a TV game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on a photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse (eeewwww....... too many times.)
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for 30 hours in a 48 hour period
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. States
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school (I've gone back to uni - and when I'm a teacher I'll be going back to school....)
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach (not by choice!)
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad and The Odyssey
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone's life

Tuesday, 11 November 2008

Doobeedoo

So I forgot to mention that on Sunday we all went to Avalon to scatter Nonno's ashes. It was really lovely. We had to leave at the ridiculous time of 8:30am and after a few stops we got there at 9:30. Then we went onto my cousin's boat which wasn't that scary one he has that goes really fast, and this one just putt-putted and chugged along until we got past Palm Beach and out into what we could legitimately call "open water". Then Uncle Dino asked if anyone wanted to say a few words, no one had any, so Uncle Dino said something nice and then it was done.

Now, I'm just saying, but there was a lot of Nonno. The wind even blew some onto the arm of my jacket. Ewwwwwwwwwwww.

Yep, Hell it is.

It was such an anti-climax. I'd built it up for so long that when it was finally done it was like, oh, that's it then? I didn't cry, I didn't even feel like we'd put him at rest or anything. In the end it was just a nice day on the water with my family.

And what would a day with my family be complete without someone commenting on the whiteness of my legs? "Geez, Sarah, lucky I brought my sunnies to shield off the glare." And on Friday night when I got home my grandma looks at me and is all, "Wow, that is some Irish skin." My family is so lovely.

Oh, random note, Cassie just posted a bunch of photos of her and Daniel in what look to be studio portrait shots, you know, the ones where they give you good lighting and do your hair and makeup.

Do people really go get couples glamour photos? I'm so embarrassed on their behalf. LAME.

Monday, 10 November 2008


I'm going to the ballet with Jenni! How cultured of me! I'm actually very excited.
In other news, exam this morning. I was thinking of getting special consideration on account of how bloody sick I was when I woke up this morning (I think I might have tonsilitis... who can say?) but cannot be arsed. You have to fill out a form, you have to go to the doctor, you have to hand in the medical cert, you have to resit the exam... plus, it's not like I'm the type that would actually do some study for the resit. That's not how I roll.
But it really hurts to be awake.

Saturday, 8 November 2008

Jealous, much?

So I finally went to get a new licence this morning, after Daniel informs me that, not only is there a $400 minimum fine for driving with an expired licence, it's actually an offense. He tells me this when I've woken up at 11am and the RTA closes at 12. Great. Brushed my teeth, threw on yesterday's clothes and just threw my hair up: photo be damned!! I only got a 1 year licence because, first, no money, and second, I knew the photo would be hideous, and there was no way I was carrying that around for the next 5 years! Anyway, photo not so great, but much better than last year's, although, considering the hideousness of last years, that was going to be easy to accomplish anyway.

The jealous part of the title comes from the fact that two people I know have just bought a house or land. Last night, Angela tells me she and her fiance are just about to put the deposit down on some land in some random suburb I've never heard of. Apparently it's out near Penrith, which is where Ben, her fiance, is teaching. Then last night I get home and my grandma tells me that Jonas has just bought a new appartment in Meadowbank.

And Sarah can barely afford her rent.

Now, I know I've made some random life choices since finishing highschool. I've had a lot of fun too though, but I'm still paying that off, and probably will be. It's funny when I think about how much people my age have achieved, and I know that I won't even be able to even think of those things until I've finished uni. And yet, I still do things that I know will only delay my ever being a grown up and owning property, like going overseas next year.

Yeah, anyway, it's just times like these that I question myself.

I've got that 21st tonight. Bloody hell. I told Rach last night that we'd have one of our lame-but-brilliant movie nights tonight but I'd forgotten about the party. I'd so prefer the movie night. At least Jonas and Dan are going. And not Cassie. Yep, still holding a grudge.

Oh, and my mum bought my little sister a PS3. Grr grr grr. And mum calls me to let me know that while she was overseas she lost a really expensive watch and her travel insurance is paying for a new one and she's giving it to me. But I'm not allowed to pawn it or sell it on ebay. What am I supposed to do with a $2000 watch? Why would she even BUY a $2000 watch in the first place? I'm pretty sure my $70 Pierre Cardin watch from 5 years ago tells the time just as well as an expensive Rado watch does. And how can I wear something so expensive? I'd be so afraid of breaking it, or scratching it, or losing it, or having it stolen.......................... My mum doesn't really think things through.

Thursday, 6 November 2008

on another note...

... what is with these headaches I've been getting lately??

OW.

Seriously, it's really bad. Like, one a day. I'm not a very big fan. I've used up a packet of panadol in the last couple of weeks, and meanwhile, I used to go YEARS between taking any headache/pain medication.

I'm wondering if they're tension headaches, but what would cause them? The first and last time I had tension headaches that lasted days on end it was because my parents had just split up. (I'm still not entirely convinced that the separation was the actual cause. That's just what the doctor decided it was. I thought I was fine with the whole thing.)

Err, Inappropriate Much?!

So I figure if your biggest worry on any given day is whether to pluck your eyebrows or let them thicken out a little, life's pretty OK.

But I wouldn't be me if I didn't whinge a little, right?

Nadia's stepfather is here at the moment to help her move out, and I met him last night for the first time. Just one of those, "Hi. How are you?" meetings.

So am I wrong to think that the second time we speak, conversation should still be kept to common pleasantries? I don't think it's very smart to say to the girl who got up early to go to the store to buy the Sydney Morning Herald (which I couldn't get from the supermarket so I had to wait around until the newsagency opened.... shouldn't they be open early? anyway...) so she could relive yesterday's Obama victory, "So, he's still alive, eh? Not for much longer."

What the FUCK.

It really disgusts me when people talk about Obama being assassinated because he's black. Erm, Lincoln? Kennedy? McKinley? Garfield? All white. (although, the cat was orange and black...)

And how are people able to say it so nonchalantly when the man has two little children?? That shit just isn't funny.

And you're telling me that with George W, one of the most hated men for the last eight years, still kicking around, that it would be easy to kill the president. Although, it does seem that any agent advocating change makes people do anything to stop them (Kennedy bros., MLK etc.).

Yeah, I wasn't very happy with Nadia's stepfather. I kind of get "redneck" vibes from him.

So meanwhile, yesterday was fantastic. I think it's wonderful how far the Civil Rights movement has come in the last fifty years. And on a non-racial note, I just think that having someone so young, cool and calm brings a freshness and vitality into an office that has become so stagnant in the last few years. I wished I could have been in Grant Park. The atmosphere seemed absolutely amazing, his speech was absolutely fantastic (someone went to the MLK school of speech-making), and Oprah was there..... (oh come one, someone knew I'd throw that one in there!)

McCain's speech was very good, but I was so angry at people booing Obama. Not on.

On a more frivolous note, I still really want that bag, but I'll see how much money I have left after buying my raceday outfit. And the shoes I want. Grrr. Stupid money. At least I'll be getting something these holidays, and it'll be cash-in-hand so it won't effect my tax and centerlink payments. Oooh yeah.

Monday, 3 November 2008

Bad Day

OK. Story got done last night. I think I'm going to stick with the title of "La Vie Boheme". It's cheesey, but I can't think of anything else. Still haven't done the book review, but I have a few hours after my exam today. Speaking of the exam, I'm going to be shit, but whatever. I got up early to study a bit for it and the lack of sleep from the last few days means there's some hardcore luggage under my eyes and my face looks like ASS.

But this made me giggle:



Don't you think Sarah Palin is the cutest?

Sunday, 2 November 2008

Haven't we had this conversation already????

DON'T FUCKING WAKE ME UP.

That's all. I'm pretty sure it makes sense. If I've been up late doing shit, DON'T FUCKING WAKE ME UP.

Nadia. Why do you have to eat breakfast outside my bedroom? Actually, no, that's fine. That doesn't wake me up. The part that wakes me up EVERY SINGLE DAY is when she's nearly done with her bowl of cereal and for some unknown reason needs to clink clink CLINK her spoon against her plate to get those last little scraps. It's the exact pitch that penetrates sleep, and she does it EVERY MORNING.

And of course today is my one day off work. Plus I'm stressed out with uni stuff. Normally when she wakes me up (it's at least once or twice a week) she doesn't get hit with my anger cos I normally just knock on Shuba's door and whinge. Today I did that too, but then Nadia came into the kitchen and was like, "Good Morning!" and I was like, no. I told her that the plate clanking was waking us up every morning and she said she'd work on it. She said she eats in the sunroom because it's the nicest part of the house, and I told her that's fine, just not to clink the plates. She asked if it was the chair scraping on the ground and her making the breakfast and all that. Nope, just the fucking plate clanging. I had planned not to say anything at all, cos in my mind I keep thinking, "One week to go, you can do this!" but unfortunately when she came into the kitchen she caught me off-guard, and I'd been awake for a solid 5 minutes, so I was cranky.

Actually, I'm proud for the restraint I used: no swearing, no yelling, no anger, even a couple of smiles.

I'm so fake.

Saturday, 1 November 2008

BOO!

Happy Halloween y'all! It's a day late, but seeing as yesterday I was lying in the dark all day with the headache from hell, this is how it is.



Plus, I could only be bothered today to hook up my CD-Rom thingo and put up my pumpkin carving pics from the US!
This is the pumpkin in the beginning:


This was my pumpkin after - I named him Horace:

Just cos he's so darned cute - Jack and his bat pumpkin:


The end result: Oooh, scary!

Thursday, 30 October 2008

Okie dokie.

So I just finished the essay. It's a world of bad, but it'll do. I just have to proof read it and do the referencing. That will take me about 2 hours, stupid footnotes. Give me in-text referencing any day!

Nan just called and we've settled on a date we can all spread Nonno's ashes - November 9th. Now that it's finally coming and we have all agreed we can do it, I kind of don't want to do it at all now... But anyway, I apparently have to go down there for the 21st of Louisa Russo's daughter. All I remember about her is that we played together a couple of times at Mrs. Russo's house and I didn't like her very much, but BOY did she used to have a crush on Dan. It still makes me giggle. But I hate going to parties where I don't know anyone except my family. That's if Daniel and Jonas go, but they're good at making friends. Me, I'm not a mingler. I'm a hang-out-with-the-olds-and-try-not-to-be-seen-er. Maybe I can convince Rachel or someone to come with. But then they'll want to know where the boyfriend is. See? I don't like this dealing with people you've known forever crap. I know the older generation - Mrs. Russo, Nan's best friend, and her kids who are all middle-aged, but I don't know their kids.

Too much hard work.

In other news, the HUGE mosquito bites from Saturday night have stopped swelling and itching and are now red welts just bigger than the size of a 10c piece. Actually, they kind of resemble hickeys (how teenaged of me!), although they're on my legs. Awkward. And the one on my left ankle had actually become a purplish, quite large bruise. Which, you know, is great seeing as I'm supposed to be going to the races in two weeks' time and will be wearing a dress (which I am yet to look for/have money for). Unfortunately, the dress will probably be knee-length, and the bites are on my calves. HOT.

In other news, I want this bag. But it's US$30 and it's an uncertain financial climate!!
This is my favourite painting from the NSW Art Gallery:


One of my little sister's drawings from about three years ago:




...just procrastinating...

Wednesday, 29 October 2008

OK...

So I finally got an email from my lecturer. Thank jeebus. He says to attach it in an email asap and bring him a hardcopy in class. Erm... so I have to write it now? Shit. I'll just pretend I haven't seen the email until tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow.

So anyone at work with me tomorrow will have the cranky Sarah with them cos I'll be up all night working on this bugger. I'm about halfway, but I kind of hate it. I feel like all I'm doing is describing, not making arguments. DAMMIT!

I got my EDUC assignment back. The one that was handed in late. Totally didn't get any marks deducted. Oh yeah. I got 30/40, so it was just a distinction. I'm happy with that, especially after only just passing the first one. Beau, the slut, got 34. I think he slept with the teacher. I'm just saying! I mean, he couldn't have just written a better essay or whatever...

And I finally got through to my grandma this evening, and WHERE WAS THE FUCKING SYMPATHY????? I'm there whining, going, "I hate this, I don't want to do it anymoooooooooore," and do you know what she said? "Sarah, you're going to quit again? You've already done one and a half years before, now you'll quit after one year, you have to finish something."

Oh no she di'n't!

I was like, "Woman! That is NOT what I want to hear! All you're supposed to say is, 'That's terrible Sarah, all those mean university people making you do all that work. They're horrible, you'll be fine.'"

How dare she! After I had my mini rant about what she should have said, she did rectify the situation a little by saying it. But the damage was done.

Oh, and more damage: Nan nonchalantly mentioning that Dan and Jonas were planning on spreading Nonno's ashes this Sunday.

WHAT THE FUCK???

I was so angry I cried. And she didn't get why I was upset. HELLO??? So, we don't do anything on the anniversary because Dan and Jonas were busy at Indy, but we'll reschedule it for whenever it's convenient for them.

Sometimes I hate being part of a family. Or at least I hate being the only one that thinks being part of a family is important and there are certain responsibilities that come with it.

*************

It's now two hours later and I've spent literally the last two hours bitching and gossiping with Shuba. I love people who are just like me. :)

WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYONE???

I'm sitting here stressed out of my mind and NOBODY IS ANSWERING THE PHONE.

HELLO? NAN?! What the fuck???? Why aren't you home? You should be always home, waiting by the phone in case your granddaughter calls you. That's common curtesy.

Fuck. It's Wednesday. Bingo day. Fucking bingo.

I'm no longer pro-bingo.

I don't want to do this assignment.

I can't do this assignment

Why doesn't the bloody lecturer reply to emails that are urgent???

WHERE IS EVERYBODY???

Beau answered the phone. I can breathe again.

Saturday, 25 October 2008

Bright side!

What? Sarah looking at the bright side of something?

Yes, two minutes ago, that ear-splitting, frightening sound you heard was the sound of hell freezing over.

I'm thinking that if I can't get another job for these holidays (which I'm still really shitty about - ooh, hell thawed out a little) I'll dedicate myself to being creative. I've always wanted to do a dressmaking class. Or maybe I'll keep working on my US scrapbook - the one that's up to June '06. Heck, by the end of the holidays, I could be up to July!!! Wouldn't that be amazing?!

Plus, I'm being mighty inspired to finally do something with my moleskines.

Yes, I'm procrastinating on doing my history assignment...

Friday, 24 October 2008

My shitty weekend has begun

I've built it up too much. I keep thinking about how terrible this week was last year. I had forgotten that it wasn't all about Nonno, and that I also spent a day in court for mum and dad's settlement, and had my interview for Borders and dawdled in Spotlight and at Emma's house sorting out details of me moving in. And meanwhile Nonno died. Waste of fucking time. I don't know if I could have made it to the hospital in time, but maybe.

I spoke to Kristy this afternoon. Yeah, not going fulltime. Kind of shitty right now. Kind of really shitty. I've got so much shit to do in the next two weeks and looking for a new job is just another hassle. And all the Christmas casual jobs are probably all gone. Just... things that could have been told to me earlier. Apparently they haven't been given the hours they thought they would be. Even though someone else was put on a fulltime contract.... anyway, I must eat so many lemons because I am so bitter.

Talking to Nan on the phone now. She's being very sympathetic this time 'round. When I was not dealing very well on Nonno's birthday she was like, "You so need to get over this," but she said it a little less ghetto than I make it sound... This time she's being very understanding and telling me jokes to cheer me up. Things that don't cheer me up: "I just hope I'm around long enough until you finish uni." Erm, woman, you do realise you're not allowed to die. Seriously. I'm not just saying this to be cute. Death is not an option for you.

I'm also trying to convince her to come to Italy with me next year. I think she's afraid to, because obviously Trieste has changed so very much from when she left in the early 50s, and there wouldn't be anyone left. I say stuff it - we'll see Trieste but then go to other parts of Italy she's never seen, which is pretty much everything. I think it also frightens her because she's never been on a plane before. I'd love to take her though. Auntie Joan is going to England next year to be with her family, maybe I can get her to coax Nan into going too.

Ok, things that cheer me up: I'm listening to my hiphop playlist right now and that song from 2002, Slacker, just came on: "I'm about to make it famous, so you can take this J.O.B and you can shove it up your anus."

Tee hee.

Thursday, 23 October 2008

General Observation

Why are some people still on magazine covers? Misca Barton and Lindsey Lohan, I'm looking at you.

Seriously, they're irrelevant. Got a new movie or something to promote? NO! So why are they still getting paid to do shit?

Here you go, Nicole, happy?

So I'm watching Bill O'Reilly on The View. Joy is angry. I love Joy.

What is with Americans and being so anti-Communist? You fucking won! The government bailout was socialism, and a fucking expensive act of socialism too.

You go Joy!

And Elizabeth needs to shut her squeaky trap. Her stupid high-pitched voice drives me insane.

Anyway, so I'm sitting in the loungeroom wearing about 50 layers of clothing and wrapped in a doona, still freezing my ass off. Stupid weather. I had so much trouble sleeping last night because I was so cold.

Oh, and this morning I went to do some grocery shopping and it was windy but still sunny outside. I parked at the Stockland Mall and went across the road to do my fruit shopping, and of course when I get out of the fruit shop it's pouring with rain. Gross.

You know what else is gross? I spent $40 on fruit and veg. WTF? That's so much bloody money. I should just eat crap and save money. Bloody hell. And I bought it all to make one stirfry. Granted, I'll be eating that stirfry for the next week, but it's still frustrating.

I went to trivia on Tuesday night with Beau, Michael and Simon, and oh yeah, bitches, we totally came 3rd!! That won us a $20 voucher for the restaurant, and seeing as bar meals are only $5 we've totally got next trivia night's dinner. Unfortunately, our team name was Star Trek themed. I can't remember what it was, and I didn't understand it, but I was informed that it was Star Trek. That shit just ain't cool. In fact, it's really, really nerdy. :P And Beau told me last night it class that Simon and Michael have apparently planned a lot more in the same vain. Yeah, NO.

Also on Tuesday, I had to do my Peer teach lesson. Yuck. My lesson was on the wonderful topic of fact and opinion. Please try to contain your excitement. I had to hand in an essay about the planning of the lesson on the day, and now I get to write an essay about how the lesson went. whoo. Cannot wait.

I'm also trying to write my history assignment. It's about the fall of communism. Why did I choose this essay topic??? Seriously, I have no clue. I thought it would be interesting. Guess what - it's NOT. It's a whole bunch of reading of boring books and articles to tell me that NO ONE GIVES A FUCK. Obviously with the exception of the people within the USSR. I'm sure they gave a fuck. Possibly many fucks.

I also got my creative writing essay back. I got 90, so a HD. I'm glad about it... but why didn't I get a higher mark? The thing that really annoys me about this topic is that there's no marking criteria for anything. Where did he pluck the 90 from? The feel of it? He only had good things to say in the essay, said it had really good references, he underlined many points I'd made and noted that they were really good.... I dunno. It's just that with other classes, you know exactly why you got a certain mark, but not with this one.

So in other news, I'm trying to use microfibre cloths on my face. I was reading a thread on the Vogue forums about how good they are, and they really get rid of blackheads, so on Monday I went out and bought some. I bought the ones designed for your face, but didn't really find any improvement, so now I've bought a household one. Lol. Next time you see me I'll have no face left. The ideas I get from the Vogue forums make me giggle. Last time it was sage tea, and I found no difference from that. Or maybe I did, but didn't stick with it long enough? Who can say.

Oh, and now I want a Ped Egg. Great.

This weather is making me miserable.

I have work at 5 this evening. 5-10. That's past my bedtime. No seriously, I'm in bed by 9:30. Not asleep, but in bed. Hello? Nanna, remember?

I have this weekend off because on Saturday it will have been 1 year since Nonno died. I plan on being drunk. That's pretty much it.

Wednesday, 22 October 2008

YAY!

Rachel's back! I want to call her but it's 8am.

Goddamnit!!

I have a month's worth of talking to do.

Monday, 20 October 2008

Just an observation

I just noticed that I have a whole bunch of moisturiser in my fridge, but nothing I want to eat.

Am I the only one that keeps her moisturiser in the fridge? It started with just the eye cream, but has now branched into both my face moisturisers. The body one hasn't migrated into there. Yet.

I guess it's also cos my fridge is conveniently located in my bedroom.

Sunday, 19 October 2008

Things I Heart

Image from lovepad

I'm taking a cue from Gala Darling and writing about things that I adore at the moment.

Great friends. Friends that will send you bags of tea out of the blue, friends that will join you for coffee late at night. Friends that will gossip with you. Friends that will get drunk with you when you're sad. Friends that might be tired of hearing you complain about something again, but don't show it. Friends that you can always turn to.

My $1 earrings. They're these little green circle things with a spiral in the centre, but I've had loads of complements. And we all know how much a love a bargain.

Gorgeous weather. Being stuck inside at work whilst the weather is beautiful is not so fun, but being in the sun brings a smile to my face and energy into my system.

That feeling you get when your assignment is finished. Which it isn't yet, but I'm hoping it will be either today or tomorrow. Just in time to start my next one.
The colour of these flowers:


Everytime I see them in a flower shop I just want to buy them and stare at them for hours on end. But then I think of all the things I could do with my money and think that the flowers would be a waste. As a treat for myself, when I'm finished with this semester and have done all of my assignments I'll buy a bunch. Or two. And drown in their colour.

xx

Friday, 17 October 2008

Things that make my heart glow

Receiving a package from a friend completely out of the blue and finding two types of green tea in it, especially after the lovely afternoon tea we shared at T2.

Thank you Mrs. Kremer!!!

Thursday, 16 October 2008

Ephemera

Today's been a bit of a walk down memory lane, mostly to avoid doing anything that needs to be done.

I'm not sure why, but I was going through my little filing folder and noticed that I had old assignments from UWS in there. I had a read through them and just cringed. My highest mark was a distinction, but I really think they were just being lenient - they are horrible. I guess I've now just had practice. Not that I think my stuff is getting any better, but I'm able to read through them and go, "Yeah, that makes sense."

Also, I think that when I get time, I'm going to turn my old blog into a book and self-publish it on Lulu. Just for myself. My fear is that one day I'll go to the blog and it won't be there, and I think it's such an important record of such a big part of my life and I don't want to lose it. And it doesn't look too expesive to get a book done in hard cover. I'm willing to spend up to $100 just because I think it's important. And with the exchange rate, I probably will.

But that will have to wait until uni's over, along with selling all my crap on ebay and all those books I plan to read.

Tuesday, 14 October 2008

And we're back to my more superficial / whiney posts

I reeeeeally should have taken advantage of the holidays more. I just see the next four weeks stretching out in a mass of stress. There'll be a lot more of these posts.

I'm so glad to be back in Newy. Sunday, although I was dead tired due to my mother waking me up at 5am (after I'd gone to bed at 1am) because she felt the need to vaccuum. Needless to say, we had words. Loud, angry words.

Anyway, I got back, had an afternoon tea with Leesh, Michael, Bec and Beau, went to the Bogey Hole (that swimming hole I wrote an assignment about last semester but hadn't actually seen), took note of the vast amounts of rape-bush around. Or should I say, "surprise sex" bush. Basically, the kind of bush you look at and go, "Wow. That would make a great place to rape someone."

It's OK. It was long ago established that I'm going to hell.

Then we went back to Michael's for dinner. Have I mentioned how much I love sausages? They are the best.

Last night was our first book club meeting. It was good. Only three of us had read the book. Oops. The next one is The Picture of Dorian Gray, which is good cos a few years ago I started reading it and really enjoyed it, but then for some reason I stopped. Good to have an excuse to go back and finish it.

Trivia tonight. We'd better bloody win, that's all I'm saying.

Wednesday, 8 October 2008

Stupid Old People.

I totally didn't win anything. My grandma gave me a consolation prize by giving me her winning raffle ticket, and the grocery prize that came with it, but it was like salt in the deep wounds of my soul.

Also, am totally becoming sick. Ack. You'd think that with how sick I've been lately I'd be used to the horrible achey-but-not-achey feeling I have, but alas, apparently the pain isn't something you can develop a resistance to. Pity.

Friday, 3 October 2008

Home again ... jiggety jig ...

Wow. We can definately cross Catherine Zeta-Jones off my list of people I'd turn gay for. That shit is so not OK.

Meanwhile, I'm sitting at home, have just eaten a bowl of pasta and am now writing my brother's assignment for him. Yeah, that's right. Writing it for him. I am such a sucker. I thought he had already written it. Yeah, apparently not. And it's such a shit assignment too:
"Articulate and define, in your terms, the difference between 'at risk' and 'vulnerable'." And he has to use examples from his job. yawn. Most boring assignment ever. Actually, I think his ethics assignment was worse. Can't complain though, cos the biatch has leant me money he knows he will never get back.

I haven't been to mum's yet, so I'm a bit worried. Dan tells me it's soooo different. There's apparently no old furniture in the house. She better have kept all my Babysitters Club books, that's all I'm saying. :P

Oh, can everyone who reads this... Ok. The two people who read this, can you please text me your mobile number (obvs say who it is in the text) cos I went to pick up my phone from the repair place today and the whole phone's been reset, and apparently, even clicking "Save contacts to SIM card" doesn't actually save your contacts to SIM. Yeah fun. So I have no phone numbers. Cheers!

Thursday, 2 October 2008

If we took a holiday ... it would be, it would be so nice ...

So tomorrow I have 5 hours of work and then I'm off home. I absolutely cannot wait.
By Saturday I'll be wanting to go home immediately.

I'm looking forward to staying at my mum's place, especially since she's not there. I haven't been there in about a year. I hope Daniel leaves me the keys. Yeah, that's right, I don't have a key to my mum's place. I have the house keys that worked before my holiday to New Zealand in 2005. Getting back to find my keys didn't fit was fun. So yes, I will stay in her house, drink her coffee, obviously not eat her food, because she never was fond of stocking the fridge.

I called nan this morning and asked to borrow money. She sighed and said she would go to the bank in the morning. I'm a horrible person. I think I'll ask Daniel instead.

Why is it that I always go down to Sydney when I have no money? I look forward to shopping so much, and then get there and can only look. It hurts me! And there's so many things I want too. I'll have to hold off to my next weekend off, which is October 25th, but something seems wrong about going shopping on the anniversary of Nonno's death.

I've also been trying to sort out my study abroad application, and while one of the managers at work has promised to write me a personal reference, I need an academic reference. So far, I've emailed two of my tutors from last semester and haven't gotten a reply (rude!), so I think I've got to ask one of this semester's tutors. My options are horrible 1006 lady, the one who talks so slowly and treats us like babies. Then there's my history guy, who wouldn't be able to say anything nice about me because I'm the dumbest person in the class and I have nothing to actually say about anything we talk about. Plus, I'm afraid he'd make mention of my love of karaoke. I can't remember how this came about, but when the class gets too quiet or anything, he seems to love mentioning that I love karaoke, and why don't I whip out a couple of tunes? I do the "chuckle chuckle, give me a few drinks and then we'll talk," whilst knowing my face is bright red. Have I mentioned that HE mentioned this at a lecture? Singled me out and everything? Yeah. So no reference from him. The next options are the most likely: 1004 lady - I say a lot in her class and contribute, but I did pretty shit in the first essay, then there's creative writing guy - maybe. I'll have to talk to them.

On a completely different note, for some reason I left MSN open (I hate MSN. Stupid computer for automatically logging on) and my cousin Nadia in Italy came online and started talking to me before I could log off. I feel so bad because she's used to talking to me when I used to study Italian and could say a lot more, and I also used to live with my nan who could tell me the correct way to say something. Now when she talks to me, after the pleasantries of "Ciao" and "Tutto OK?" and "Si, e tu?" I have nothing left to say and have to quickly go, "Mi dispiace, ma non parlo l'italiano bene," and quickly say bye. Tonight's conversation was in the same vain. She's not feeling so well, it seems, and she's getting old, wants to know how Auntie Joan is. My Italian doesn't stretch so far as to say, "She's well, considering the dead husband and all." Poor Auntie Joan. I have to remember to drop by when I'm in Sydney. I'll take nan and make a day of it.

Speaking of Auntie Joan, I just found out that the rellos in Italy had a big mass for him there when he died. I just thought that was really lovely.

Nothing else. Except Sydney folks, I my phone's in for repair, so I don't have anyone's number. If you want to catch up at all this week text me and we'll do something.

Wednesday, 1 October 2008

Actually...

... I hate my haircut. The layers are uneven, all the more noticable due to the fact that I have to straighten my hair. }:

My phone is now in for repair, so until I can figure out how to use Leesha's phone that she leant me, I have no phone access. I'm officially uncontactable.... except via the internet.

I'm rethinking going to Chicago next year. It's just so expensive, especially considering how extensively I want to travel around Europe. sigh. That's OK. 2012 isn't too far away... sob. We'll see.

Rachel sent some photos of her in China. This one took my breath away:

Words don't capture it. I'm in love with this photo. Majorly jealous, also.
I need another gap year. I'm sure I've had more than my fair share of these, but I wish I could teach English overseas or something. At least next year will kind of be a gap-half-year.
I really hate how fragmented this post is.

Almost a GRRR

So, new haircut doesn't look at all good unless it's straightened. That's very annoying, seeing as I've gotten into the habit of just blowdrying my hair, otherwise it adds too much time onto my morning routine.

Hopefully it'll grow enough in the next few weeks so I can go back to just blowdrying.

Being a girl is too much effort.

Monday, 29 September 2008

Aahh, so nice!

Today was absolutely lovely. It's like the first four hours didn't even exist.


After the essay was all handed in, I came home and immediately started cleaning my room. Everything's where it's supposed to be now. Except for a pile of books Emma returned to me that she had literally had for years. They do not fit on the bookshelf, so they are neatly standing in a pile next to it. I didn't end up buying myself organisational stuff.


Instead I did this:

I went and got my hair cut. It looks exactly the same as it did before, but the dead ends are chopped off. Judith - check out the photo on top of my TV - Medieval Times, oh yeah!
I also spent about an hour in Gloria Jeans reading Vanity Fair, then spent a whole heap of money I can't afford. I bought some shorts and a top from Glassons. I already have the top in navy, so I bought it in cream for summer cos it was on sale. Then because I spent over $50 I got a free $15 gift voucher, so I bought a henley top in the exact shade of blue to replace the henley top I just gave to the Salvos today. Yes, I cleaned out my wardrobe and discovered that I need more summer stuff. This happens to me every year - i just manage to have my wardrobe looking winter awesome, and then it's too hot to wear anything again.
So yeah, just a generally really good day.

WOOT WOOT!

And I am doney done done. It's handed in, I'm breathing freely, and now let the cleaning begin!

I've also scheduled myself in for a haircut cos I deserve one. :) And my hair is a rat's nest at the moment.

Ahhhh, honestly, I love when this feeling leaves me!

Sunday, 28 September 2008

Ruh-Roh

I'm 1500 words into my 2500 word essay.... about about 2/3s through the things I had to talk about. Shit shit shitty shit shit.

I might just pad to the Bourdieu crap. So over it.

Wooooooo-saaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh

That will only make sense if you've watched Bad Boys II recently, or you're a freak like myself who quotes old movies. (Bad Boys I, even though it was made before I was even in high school, still had me calling my maths teacher "Mike Lowrey" the way Martin Lawrence said it. Although I would never say it to Mrs. Lowrey's face...)

So, seeing as I've been sitting at my computer for two hours now and have only managed to scrape out another hundred words, I've decided to implement incentives. If I manage to finish this essay tonight, or at the very most, 9am tomorrow, tomorrow I get to pamper myself by cleaning my room, sorting out my closet and buying a couple of things I don't need. Yes, this is pampering myself because my room and closet are filth at the moment and it makes me so ill. Cleaning makes me happy. Organisation makes me happy. Ooh, maybe one of my rewards can be some of those clear boxes that slide under your bed, and I can put things in it that won't fit in drawers.

Now I'm excited. I'll finish my dinner and get right on it!

I spoke to my little sister for the first time in nearly a week and a half today. She talked my ear off for nearly half an hour. She loves to say things that she thinks will make me angry, like "Twilight sucks" and mentioning how much she loves my brother's girlfiend (typo, but it stays), but it makes me giggle, which makes her frustrated, which continues the cycle. She told me that she's apparently "grown up" now, because she has learnt to catch the bus. Don't laugh - I think this is a pretty big accomplishment. I still need to have people tell me exactly which bus number to catch, and bus timetables don't make any sense to me at all ( I also don't like the fact that you can't get a bus timetable until you're physically on the bus). It all comes from living in the Hills District, where there's one bus company, and no trains, and I think maybe one bus a day (not including school buses) goes past my street, and doesn't actually go down my street, so it's still a 5 or so minute walk to the actual bus stop. So yeah, people in my area don't catch public transport. They use their parents to drive them everywhere, and then they get their licences on the day of their 17th birthdays and drive everywhere. Plus, buses are expensive. I once thought I'd be thrifty and catch public transport down to Sydney, got on the bus at Pennant Hills station, only to discover that even as a student, the price from the station to Round Corner Dural was nearly $4. Yes, I'm cheap, but that's a lot considering it's a 15 minute drive, and it's not even anywhere near my house - I then have to get my little nonna to come pick me up.

Whinging about public transport is just the norm when you live in the Hills.

Saturday, 27 September 2008

Yes, another "ARGH! ESSAY" post

I've written 1000 words. 996 to be exact. 1500 to go. I just can't see how I'll be able to do it. These first thousand were like pulling teeth, and it includes my intro and conclusion. I'm thinking of going to bed and hoping I'll do some in the morning. Maybe I should just hand it in on Monday and lose 20%. We'll see how tomorrow goes.

Friday, 26 September 2008

Check your mailbox

I sent someone a little something something for their birthday next week....

And someone else whose birthday is coming up in just over a month should keep an eye out for their mail... Ja?? :P

God I hate surprises. I almost texted that person to let them know what it is that I was buying and sorry, there's no tim tams this time. I had no time in my lunch break to go to both the post office and the supermarket to buy them. :(

You know, if I come to Germany next year, I will bring a suitcase of just tim tams for you. :)

Oh, and Lara, UPDATE YOUR BLOODY BLOG!!! One post does not constitute a blog!

Wednesday, 24 September 2008

Something to smile about.

I got an email from my host family. It distracted me from the aura of stress I seem to be projecting today. I hope so badly that I can see them next year. It makes me sad to think that Jack's already in year 5 and practically a grown up and I'm missing out. I absolutely adore that little boy.

He's probably forgotten me by now.

Don't think ahead!

Right. So I finished my essay yesterday. Had I known how quickly it would be finished I would have not procrastinated so much.... yeah, that last sentence is a total lie. So anyway, finished it, went to print out my extension form.... and it said my extension was still pending. Because I hadn't handed the supporting documents in. The supporting docs that I handed in last Monday.

Why does the world hate me?

No Sarah, it doesn't hate you. Obviously I've just told the universe to not make things work out for me.

Meh. Fail shmail (she says, until her scholarship is revoked and she suddenly has to PAY for university).

So meanwhile, I have a day and a half to finish this other essay. DO IT! Don't think about next week, or more particularly, the week after when you have annual leave and you're going to hang out at home with the family.... DON'T THINK AHEAD until everything's finished.

Stupid 1004.

Tuesday, 23 September 2008

I wish I was that patient etherised upon that table...

Yes, titles recently have been very Prufrock themed, seeing as that's all I can think about right now. I'm currently writing the essay, I have all the material, but it's just so hard!!! I keep coming up with all these awesome ideas, but the essay's only allowed to be 1000 words. Why the hell do they impose ridiculous word limits? I'm not even scratching the SURFACE let alone getting anything deeper in. Stupid poem had to be so bloody long and have to freaking much to say.

Oh, and I finished Veronica Mars. LOVED it. So sad there's only three seasons.

Sunday, 21 September 2008

In a minute there is time...

...or not really.

Seriously, I don't know what my problem is. Do the readings. Do the essay. Simple, no? No. Instead, I'm watching Veronica Mars, reading the paper, baking cookies...

Self-sabotage, thy name is Sarah.

Meanwhile, I'm absolutely buggered. Ironic choice of words. But anyway, absolutely buggered from lack of sleep. For some crazy reason I woke up at 8am after going to bed at about 2am. Silly girl. Last night was odd too. It started with us going to a dodgy, dodgy, pub to watch comedy, skipping out to get a coffee which, for some reason I decided not to get and got a smoothie instead, then off to a gay bar for karaoke. But before a gay bar Michael was refused entry to a pub for being "too drunk". Just because he was skipping doesn't mean he's drunk! He's just a little gay!!! This is the second time this sort of thing has happened. Last time it was Gilly's 21st where he was kicked out of the pub for "walking drunk", which Michael still maintains, and I concur, that he was just prancing. Lol.

Speaking of gay though, it's funny how homophobic Beau is. At Gateway, the gay bar (gay bar, gay bar), Beau was busting to use the bathroom but had to wait until the one cubicle was free for fear of all the gays at the urinal. Lol. It's funny when gay people are homophobic. But the gays are such a lovely people! Much like the Filippinos!! the last two lines added for Michael's viewing pleasure.

Thursday, 18 September 2008

How cultured of me!

So last night I went to see a production of Twelfth Night that was on at the uni. It was a pretty good interpretation, though for some reason they decided to make the ending a tragedy rather than the comedy it's supposed to be. But I can live with that.

In a testament to the power of Oprah (like I needed proof), today I'm going to go out and buy a cork board to turn into my "vision board". Basically what I have to do is put my goals on it or something so I can visualise them actually happening. If that fails, at least I'll have a pretty board with nice pictures in my room! And it can't hurt.

I'm also going to turn one of my cahiers into a gratitude journal. I was going to go out and buy a completely new one but decided against it, due to poverty. (Speaking of which, I tried to withdraw $20 last night, but was declined. I just checked my account and had over $100. Stupid bank trying to embarrass me in the store.) But meanwhile, the gratitude journal is where at the end of each day, even if it was the shittiest day in the history of shitty days, you write down something positive that you are grateful for.

This positive thinking stuff can't hurt.

Oh, and as a sign that I'm MEANT to be in Germany next year, both Rachel AND Nicole Mac will be living over in Europe at the same time. Coincidence? Yeah, probably, but I'm using it as a sign. Rachel asked if I'll be there at Christmas, which I will, and if she could spend Christmas with me cos she didn't want to spend it with strangers or alone. Meanwhile, she'll make so many new friends over there that she'll forget about me (lol!) but I was like, "Bitch please! Like you get a choice. You're staying with me, we're going to drink warm red wine at the Christkindlmarket and we're going to have a(nother) freezing cold Christmas." Meanwhile, I so haven't checked any of this out with Lara. Lol. I'm just hoping for the best. Positive thoughts and all.

Monday, 15 September 2008

Can't be arsed

There's too many bad vibes in the house at the moment. There's Miranda, the mess, and now Nadia is batshit crazy, plus the people in the back house keep writing messages on the whiteboard about things they're cranky about. The first message was about people not washing their stuff properly. How many times have I had to rewash their stuff the next morning because it's still dirty? And last night they put a message on the board about people leaving the shower dripping in the main bathroom, and to turn it off. But how many times have I gone past their shower and the tap is dripping? I don't make a fuss, I just turn that shit off. Things like that aren't hurting anyone. They're annoying, but not making the place unbearable to live in.

The mess is.

Seriously, just wipe down the bench after you've cooked. Why is that difficult. Isn't it just a habit after years and years? I hardly ever used to cook when I lived at home, yet on those odd occasions I did I cleaned everything up afterwards. And why would you keep piling things into the recycling bin if it's full? Empty it. Which is what I'll have to do now.

I know, I go over this a lot on here, but it's all the more annoying now. I think everyone's gotten to the point in the house that they hate everyone else and everything everyone does.

In other news, Jonas came up to visit on Saturday night. I wanted to show him a good time in town. HA! Oxymoron. It was a shit night and I felt so bad. He came all the way up here to do absolutely nothing.

Oh well.

Wednesday, 10 September 2008

Mmmmmm, baking...

So I've decided to bake cookies today for tomorrow's funeral. I've decided to make the monster cookies that Jen Collopy made for that au pair cookie swap. God, I loved those cookies. I hope they turn out well.

On another note, last weekend I asked my manager if I could use her as a reference in getting a Christmas casual job, and she looked at me like a crazy woman.

"But you'll be getting so many hours here!" she said.

"Well, can you guarantee that? Because last Christmas I was lucky to be getting 14 hours a week, and coupled with the thousand times I had to move and the expensive rent etc. I was on struggle street."

"Well, you'll definately be doing at least the full 30 hours per week that you can do as a casual, and we will be making a few fulltime contracts for the Christmas period, so you may get one of those."

Sounds good to me. The way the General Manager, David, put it, sounded like I'd definately be getting one cos I'm on the merch team.

I know it sounds silly, but I really was hoping for a second job. I was going to set up a specific bank account for that job so the money could go into a separate account and I'd never see it. Now I need to actually learn how to save. Inconceivable!!!

Tuesday, 9 September 2008

Bad

So I've decided to use Uncle George's death to ask for an extension on my Creative Writing critical essay. In my defense, I am going to spend tomorrow morning baking cookies to bring to the wake. And it has put me in a weird place.

But using it as a reason for an extension makes me feel so guilty. It reminds me of my first time in uni when I cited "family problems" as an excuse for an extension and then my parents seperated...

Monday, 8 September 2008

Let's play Jeopardy! "Things that shouldn't come up as regular conversation after you've been home for half an hour."

So I went home on Saturday night to take Mary out for dinner for her birthday. When I got there my cousin Laura was there as I had known she would be, but Mary had also brought a friend. Crap. And here's me with absolutely no money.

So I'm there at home, chatting with everyone, in a bit of a weird crazy mood because of the massive amounts of sugar I always consume on the way down to Sydney, when I ask about something random, like a TV show or something, and my grandma comes out with:

"Uncle George died this morning."

WHAT??? I just burst into tears. Uncle George is my grandma's little brother, whom she adores/d. He's been sick for so long, and we all knew it was coming, but it still shocked me. And the way she just came out with it all of a sudden. I was pretty annoyed that she didn't call me in the morning as soon as she found out, but she said she didn't want to tell me because she knew I'd be coming down anyway. ARGH.

So anyway, the next day we went to Auntie Joan's to hang out, cos that's what we do when someone dies. My grandma is in her prime in these situations, cracking jokes like there's no tomorrow. It was funny to see her so on fire. My cousin Carolina was there with her kids, who I just think are the greatest. Matthew, her oldest son, and the oldest of the grandkids on their side, has been hit the hardest. He was so close with Uncle George. They were more like father and son.

Something that annoyed me was that my grandma compared the close bond between Matt and Uncle George and Daniel and Nonno. I'm so sick of everyone saying how close Dan and Nonno were, and the reason that people keep saying it is because Dan keeps saying that nonno was his best friend. Well, Dan had a crappy way of showing it. He never did anything Nonno asked him to do and Nonno was always disappointed in Dan.

My grandma had a dream the other day, just before George passed away, about my Nonno, and in it he was angry at Jonas. Hmmm, I wonder what that could signify? Yet everyone's gone and interpreted it as an, "Oh yes, it was because Uncle George died." It couldn't have anything to do with Dan and Jonas going to Indy the weekend we were supposed to scatter the ashes.

PS. I really need to move on.

So anyway, the funeral should be sometime this week, and hopefully I get told today.

Thursday, 4 September 2008

Do I dare/ Disturb the universe?

So I went to the Hub yesterday to talk to my programme officer about exchange. Basically her information was the stuff I'd worked out for myself, things like how I wouldn't be doing education subjects, just english and history. Thanks. Meanwhile, I have now picked up an application form and I'm ready to get the ball rolling. PLEASE work out!

I also have to start working on my next assignment. I'm hoping to have it done by next weekend at the latest so then I can start on the NEXT one. Our tutor doesn't seem to really get what we have to do. He expects us to do all this stuff, and I felt like going, "Erm, you know it's only 1000 words... you can't even go into depth on the ONE text in that many words, let alone extras." Whatever. I've decided to do my essay on T. S. Eliot's "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" because I remember studying it at school and I kind of hated it, but I reread it this year and loved it. It will be nice writing an essay about it without going on about alliteration and similes.

Not too much else. Still in a pissy mood, but at least I know why now. Tomorrow, Trent from work is hosting a murder mystery party for his birthday. It's Roman themed, though get this for my character:
HER NAME IS ROTUNDA. Thanks. Give me the fat name. :P
The character is awesome though. Full name, Rotunda Immaculata, and she's a Vestal Virgin and beautiful. I hope I'm the murderer!!! I really do. I'm tossing up whether to make a toga or wear this kind of Grecian maxi dress I've had since last year but have never worn. I also found an awesome laurel-leaf-looking headband from Diva so I'll wear that too.
Cannot wait!

Sunday, 31 August 2008

Last Night



I went to a cowboys and indians themed 21st for a girl from work. It was kind of a shit night. I wasn't drinking, and all I wanted to do was dance, but alas, it wasn't to be. Above is the Borders crew, with some Borders wannabes (ie. my two housemates, Leesha and Anne, plus Beau, who is friends with Michael and I have a class with at uni).

This photo's the only close-up I have of me, and I thought it was fitting that Michael and I had matching hats. We're totally set for Mardi Gras next year. :P Oh, and that's Jess popping up in the middle.

:/

I don't know what's wrong with me? I've been in a shitty mood for about a week now. I thought it was because of Dan and Jonas going to Indy on Nonno's thing, but I think it's from before that. Nonno's birthday? Getting sick? Cassie's birthday? Meeting Miranda? I have no idea. I need to get out of this mess.

I also need to finish this assignment. That's probably the thing that's not helping the most - it's 9pm and I have 1200 words to write and 6 books to skim read and write about.

I think I'm going to go to McDonald's and buy a sundae. Or not. I'm thinking I want chocolate, because I want to feel better, but then I'll just feel worse. I'm just tired of waking up and being angry/sad/unhappy/miserable/cranky/not in control of things.

I need to finish this assignment, then go to the Hub tomorrow or Tuesday and ask about whether Germany would be feasible.

Thursday, 28 August 2008

Now I know how American Psycho felt!

I've been censored!!! I have so much gossip to talk about but cannot because I did a stupid thing and told the world I'd tell no one!!! And it's great gossip too, and from multiple people.

Why oh why do people confide in me???? I can't help my nature - I'm Filo! Gossiping is our life-blood, our one event at the Olympics where we aren't disqualified for a false start (the one time I've seen a Filippino in an Olympic event he was disqualified for a false start).

DAMMIT!! I need to tell someone what everyone's been telling me, but the people I want to tell are all involved and other people don't know them, so it would just be a confusing mass of, "So _____ and ______ did blah blah blah."

I totally need a diary.

Wednesday, 27 August 2008

So apparently I'm the only one who gives a shit.

I'm so fucking angry at the moment.

I got a call from Jonas last night asking me if I remembered the plans the family had for scattering Nonno's ashes on the aniversary of his death. Do I remember?? I took annual leave for that weekend months ago.

So anyway, apparently we can't do it that weekend.

Because Jonas and Daniel are going to Indy that weekend.

Oh really?

I'm so fucking pissed. When he told me I grit my teeth and asked, "How could you schedule a holiday on the one day that you really shouldn't?" and Jonas was just like, "Well, Dan and I didn't know the date for Indy."

Fucking cancel that shit! What the fuck? I'm already shitty that it's taken us so long to scatter his ashes, that they've been sitting in that fucking box next to his bed for an entire year, and then this?? At least the anniversary of his death would have been symbolic, but now we're just doing it on a random day that doesn't conflict with anyone's precious vacations.

So anyway, I checked the calendar, and the weekend after his death isn't good for me because the Monday after it everything in the entire world is due, so I'm like, "Well, that weekend's not good for me," and Jonas was like, "Well, we can do it whenever."

Sure. OK. It's like I'm the only one who cares. I was the only one who cared about his birthday, and practically the only one who remembered. But the rest of the family thinks it's weird that I haven't moved on. I think it's weird how easily they did. And it's not that I haven't moved on, cos I don't think of him everyday now, like I did in the beginning, but I just think that days like his birthday and the day he died are important, crazy as that may sound.

In other news, I'm just in such an angry mood. I pretty much hate everyone today. People in the house are shitting me with their disgusting mess, work is shitting me, and I haven't even been in there since Sunday. Just the fact that I have to go tomorrow is shitting me, and the fact that I'm working 10-7 when I thought it would only be a five hour shift. And the fact that I'm so cranky at the moment is shitting me the most.