I've built it up too much. I keep thinking about how terrible this week was last year. I had forgotten that it wasn't all about Nonno, and that I also spent a day in court for mum and dad's settlement, and had my interview for Borders and dawdled in Spotlight and at Emma's house sorting out details of me moving in. And meanwhile Nonno died. Waste of fucking time. I don't know if I could have made it to the hospital in time, but maybe.
I spoke to Kristy this afternoon. Yeah, not going fulltime. Kind of shitty right now. Kind of really shitty. I've got so much shit to do in the next two weeks and looking for a new job is just another hassle. And all the Christmas casual jobs are probably all gone. Just... things that could have been told to me earlier. Apparently they haven't been given the hours they thought they would be. Even though someone else was put on a fulltime contract.... anyway, I must eat so many lemons because I am so bitter.
Talking to Nan on the phone now. She's being very sympathetic this time 'round. When I was not dealing very well on Nonno's birthday she was like, "You so need to get over this," but she said it a little less ghetto than I make it sound... This time she's being very understanding and telling me jokes to cheer me up. Things that don't cheer me up: "I just hope I'm around long enough until you finish uni." Erm, woman, you do realise you're not allowed to die. Seriously. I'm not just saying this to be cute. Death is not an option for you.
I'm also trying to convince her to come to Italy with me next year. I think she's afraid to, because obviously Trieste has changed so very much from when she left in the early 50s, and there wouldn't be anyone left. I say stuff it - we'll see Trieste but then go to other parts of Italy she's never seen, which is pretty much everything. I think it also frightens her because she's never been on a plane before. I'd love to take her though. Auntie Joan is going to England next year to be with her family, maybe I can get her to coax Nan into going too.
Ok, things that cheer me up: I'm listening to my hiphop playlist right now and that song from 2002, Slacker, just came on: "I'm about to make it famous, so you can take this J.O.B and you can shove it up your anus."