Sunday, 10 May 2009

That's because Sarah is a Stupid

So I asked my landlords to bring heaters because I've been freezing this past week. I go to bed with a hot water bottle, plus the bed socks, trackies, long sleeved shirt (my trusty "Malaka" shirt with the Golden Arches. So wrong. So right.) jumper with a hoodie, and depending on the temperature of the air in my room, sometimes the hood over my head and my head under the blankets. Sexy.

So I'm cold, right? So I asked for the heaters. She's like, you can have the heaters, but it's really not very cold. That's great. I'm freezing. Long discussion about how I'm always cold, blah blah, all resolved. Heaters to come this week. Huzzah.

Then I get a text message - " Tip- if u close ur blinds rite up & pul curtains at nite u lose les warmth. Glass is a conductor of heat both in & out."

Yep. Because I don't know how windows work. Who doesn't close their windows at night?

Meanwhile, I've followed her instructions and I'm frozen. I'm wearing so many layers plus a scarf and it makes no difference. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Oh, and before anyone mentions how I'll cope in Germany, I'm sure Chicago's winter is worse, and I managed to make it through that, just with a lot of whinging. A. LOT. But also, houses in cold countries have central heating which is constantly on. And excellent insulation.

Speaking of whinging though, my grandma made me so cranky this morning because she wouldn't let me whinge and bitch to her. It was so annoying. I even stopped her at one point and told her to stop changing the subject because she was driving me crazy! She needs to realise that I just need to say everything I have to say, then she should respond with, "You're right. [Enter Name/s] is/are dicks/bitchfaces/sluts/scrags/annoying/stupid/odd-looking/wanky and should be kicked in the vajayjay." I don't see my nan saying those exact things, but it's just to give you an idea, although if Oprah can say "vajayjay," then my grandma can too. Then I would say, "Yeah. Stupid stupidheads," and all would be right with the world. But she constantly changes the subject which makes me feel unresolved so I try to pursue the matter further. It's so frustrating. She says it's because she knows I'm a nice person with a kind heart and I don't mean the things I say so she shouldn't encourage them.

Erm, Lola, you obviously don't know me at all. Wow. Raised me for (argh - horrid number) 24 years and we're practically strangers. If I have a heart at all, you wouldn't be able to call it, "kind". Probably a better word to describe it would be, "there". Or "beating". And I'm not nice, I'm a cranky mole with one facial expression which would best be described as, "Oh, I know you did not just do/say/think what I think you just did/said/thought. Don't make me take my shoe off and beat your sorry ass with it." Because my shoes are lovely. Or they were, once upon a time before I went on a shoe diet.

So I kind of broke my diet yesterday when I bought a new pair of shoes. But hear me out! I needed a pair of black everyday flats that were comfortable for work and also to be my shoes for Europe that would take me from walking through the towns during the day to out in the evenings. And they're not even stylish - they're DF Supersoft - nanna shoes. And they were a necessity because my cheap flats from Target have no sole left, as evidenced by the wet feet I've been experiencing of late. Plus, I took advantage of the 40% off Colorado Group voucher I got from work, so they were $60 instead of $100.

Gah. I hate spending money on ugly things.


Nicole said...

1. Apparently there are some really cute black flats in Target that I'll be snapping up soon.

2. You are a kind person Sarah. Stop saying you're not. From now on you're not to utter that sentence or anything similar. I say so. You do so much and no one appreciates it. And some people deserve to be bitched about. They do. Believe me!

3. So.... I'm thinking of going back to uni when I come back to become a high school English teacher. I KNOW! I'm thinking of either doing the year or 2 of study here or over in Edinburgh. But I'm scared because I have fails on my transcript. Fuck. Australia needs teachers, they'd let me in regardless, yeah?

Sarah said...

Trust me on this Nicole - they'll let you in. You may not get into Sydney or NSW, but you'll get in somewhere. Hello? UWS wouldn't even release my transcript (that's a whole other rant right there) because they said I hadn't paid, and I couldn't be arsed paying AGAIN so I just went through UAC without my transcript. The only uni that didn't care was U Newcastle, and it's a fantastic programme here. How exciting though! We can whinge about curriculum together!

Nicole said...

Yay! I'm excited! It feels right. It really does. :-) Will discuss more laterz!