Thursday, 18 June 2009

Things that are annoying

Being called "Miss". I absolutely hate it. Especially because of the way it is said. It isn't just "Miss", it's "Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssss". Argh.

I also hate "Miss ______". It doesn't sound right, does it? I don't mind "Ms. ______" but students don't really say the zzzzz-ness of it. "Miss _____" makes me feel like I'm a little kid. You may as well add "Little" to the front of it.

But more annoying than "Miss" or "Miss ______" is what they call Cory - "Mister". As in, "Mister, I forgot my book." It drives me up the wall! But when I mentioned it to him he said he hates being called "Sir", and doesn't like being "Mr. _(last name)_" because that's his dad. So he either gets Mr. Mack or (shudder) Mister.

Now, I don't know about you, but I love "Sir". In fact, I almost want to tell the students to call me "Sir". It just has that authority, you know? "Miss" doesn't have any authority, but "Sir" does. Is it a masculine/feminine thing? A socio-cultural thing? A class thing? Because if it was a class thing, the female equivalent wouldn't be any better. "Lady". Lame.

I don't think this is a battle I will ever win.

Meanwhile, I feel like writing a couple of letters:

Dear Little Birdy,
Do you feel better now that you've relieved yourself on my windshield? Yeah? Letting your bowel movement out at the exact moment you happened to be flying over my car felt good, didn't it? Or was it more of a power thing? Ooh, look at me, I can poop and fly at the same time. Oh yeah? Next time you do it, I will shit on your car. You don't have a car? You fly everywhere? Then I'm going to have to shit on you.

You're welcome.
Love, Sarah.

Dear Kitty Cat,
Running across the road at the exact time that I'm driving is good fun, isn't it. Oooh, Sarah's coming, let's play the feline version of chicken. Oh, it's just delightful! Running out in front of my car really gives you that rush. Especially at night and when it's raining. Good fun seeing me lock the brakes at that last second. It was touch and go whether I'd actually be able to both stay on the road and miss you, but either way, it was good fun for you.

I'm glad. No truly I am. I'm glad you've been having so much fun, so that next time you run out in front of me, I can accelerate and aim my car knowing that you've led a happy life.

Love, Sarah

1 comment:

Anna said...

I know I`m a year late but them letters are just too hilarious to leave them "uncomment`d"