The Perfect Ad

When I was living in America this was my favourite ad of them all. I was just going through my old au pair blog and came across it. Not sure why, but I think it's hilarious. Probably that last whispered, "The world."

What is the golden rule that everyone knows about me?

DON'T FUCKING WAKE ME UP.

What's that? The house is on fire? Well, you'd better hope that you burn with it, baby, because it's a better fate than the one that waits for you when I'm done.

Especially don't wake me up after I've told you how little sleep I've been running on all week and how I want to just sleep.

Daniel, this includes you. Just because you come into the house at 8:30 in the morning and have to go, I'd prefer to NOT SEE YOU (hell, I'm perfectly fine with never seeing you) than being woken up just so you can say hi. I got to bed at 2am. I'm now going to shank you. You now have options regarding which hole to shit through.

And then don't be so surprised that I'm then in a crabby mood for the rest of the day.

Seriously, I'm 24 now. They've had 24 years to know the consequences of interrupting my sleep. If I'm cranky, NO ONE can be happy. This is just the way it is.

So anyway, it was nice to finally have a shower in this house with a working ventilator fan in the shower. Yes, it's shocking, but Daniel finally did something FOR HIS OWN FAMILY!!! If this had happened at Cassie's house, it would have been fixed immediately. But no, it happened here. And it happened over 2 years ago. When I got back from America it was broken. I made a fuss. Nothing got done. Everytime I came down from Newcastle I pestered him to fix it. Honestly, what's the point of having a licensed electrician living here??? Nothing got done. Then finally he calls me yesterday and tells me he's fixed it. Yeah, and? It seriously took him 10 minutes, and that includes the time it took him to go to Bunnings and buy a new fan. He is a dick.

Things that are annoying

Being called "Miss". I absolutely hate it. Especially because of the way it is said. It isn't just "Miss", it's "Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssss". Argh.

I also hate "Miss ______". It doesn't sound right, does it? I don't mind "Ms. ______" but students don't really say the zzzzz-ness of it. "Miss _____" makes me feel like I'm a little kid. You may as well add "Little" to the front of it.

But more annoying than "Miss" or "Miss ______" is what they call Cory - "Mister". As in, "Mister, I forgot my book." It drives me up the wall! But when I mentioned it to him he said he hates being called "Sir", and doesn't like being "Mr. _(last name)_" because that's his dad. So he either gets Mr. Mack or (shudder) Mister.

Now, I don't know about you, but I love "Sir". In fact, I almost want to tell the students to call me "Sir". It just has that authority, you know? "Miss" doesn't have any authority, but "Sir" does. Is it a masculine/feminine thing? A socio-cultural thing? A class thing? Because if it was a class thing, the female equivalent wouldn't be any better. "Lady". Lame.

I don't think this is a battle I will ever win.

Meanwhile, I feel like writing a couple of letters:

Dear Little Birdy,
Do you feel better now that you've relieved yourself on my windshield? Yeah? Letting your bowel movement out at the exact moment you happened to be flying over my car felt good, didn't it? Or was it more of a power thing? Ooh, look at me, I can poop and fly at the same time. Oh yeah? Next time you do it, I will shit on your car. You don't have a car? You fly everywhere? Then I'm going to have to shit on you.

You're welcome.
Love, Sarah.
xoxo

Dear Kitty Cat,
Running across the road at the exact time that I'm driving is good fun, isn't it. Oooh, Sarah's coming, let's play the feline version of chicken. Oh, it's just delightful! Running out in front of my car really gives you that rush. Especially at night and when it's raining. Good fun seeing me lock the brakes at that last second. It was touch and go whether I'd actually be able to both stay on the road and miss you, but either way, it was good fun for you.

I'm glad. No truly I am. I'm glad you've been having so much fun, so that next time you run out in front of me, I can accelerate and aim my car knowing that you've led a happy life.

Love, Sarah
xoxo

TGIF... tomorrow.

Argh. It's only Thursday. This week has taken FOREVER. And I've only been teaching one class per day! Although today I taught two classes, but I taught the same lesson.

Today I had 8S and they were working on their monologues for The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas. I was really shocked that the lesson went so well. Yesterday's lesson did not go very well at all. AT. ALL. Classroom management - BAD. Time management - BAD. Everything - BAD.

So I went shopping, went to the gym, ate food, chatted to Shuba, buggered around a bit more, then created a lesson. Mostly it was stuff left over from that day's lesson, plus one more activity.

So I did the lesson today. And it went well. I was so pleased with it. My first lesson where I haven't felt like a failure when it was over. Oh hells yes.

So we had 8D after lunch, who I don't teach, but Cory asks if I'd be comfortable teaching them too, just to see how it would go teaching the same lesson to a different group of kids. He said it would be good in order to see how external factors can effect the lesson, because it would be after lunch, last period of the day etc. So I'm like, OK sure.

Oh my gosh. I couldn't just end my day on a positive note, I had to drag it all down in the mud. First, there was something that happened at lunch. Still not sure what it was - we were in the classroom and suddenly (although I didn't realise cos I'm obtuse) Cory stands up and goes, "What the hell's going on out there?" He had heard a change in the noise in the playground, looks out the window, sees heaps of kids running in one direction and he ran out to go and stop what was happening. Still not sure what it all was - a fight? Most probably. But because of that they called the bell for class ten minutes early. So already there was something extra.

And then it was so hard to get them to do anything. And they were really badly behaved, but that was probably my fault because I SUCK at classroom management. Argh.

So I'm apparently going to try to do the same thing tomorrow, teach 8S then teach the same thing to 8D. Yeah, goodluck.

That was the sound of my jaw hitting the ground

I've just had a bombshell drop on me and I can't speak to anyone about it. Well, anyone that would be of any help. I feel like I'm about to burst into tears, and I'm angry, and it's IRRATIONAL for me to feel this way.

So I have this cousin in England called Carol. We've met her when she's come to Sydney a couple of times, first when I was in year 8 or 9, then once again a few years later. I'll be staying with her in London for a couple of nights.

With me so far?

See, I've never known how she was a cousin. I thought she was the daughter of Nonno's cousin or something.

Then I get a call from Uncle Dino a couple of minutes ago.

Him: Hi Sarah.
Me: Oh, hi.
Him: So, when are you going to England?
Me: 8th of July.
Him: So I here you'll be seeing Carol and all that?
Me: Yep, I'm staying with her for a couple of nights.
Him: OK. So, I should probably tell you that shortly before Nonno went into hospital for the last time he told me that Carol is his daughter.

So that was that huge thunk sound you heard earlier. It's where my jaw hit the ground, my head exploded, and my stomach began to heave.

Him: Yeah. He was married before and had Carol, but the marriage didn't last. Nunny (my grandma) knows about it but I think she didn't want anyone to know because you know how religious her family is, and didn't want them knowing Nonno was divorced. But I don't think she likes to think about it.
Me: OK.
Him: Apparently he used to send money to them all the time when she was younger and kept in contact.
Me: Yup.
Him: Carol just asked me the other day whether you know yet, and whether she should keep up the cousin thing when you're there, so I'll just tell her you know and it's fine.
Me: OK. This is so weird.
Him: Don't make such a big deal of it Sarah. It doesn't change anything.
Me: But you have a sister. Isn't that weird?
Him: It was when I first found out, but it doesn't really affect my life.
Me: OK.

But, and I know this is ridiculous, I'm not OK with this. I know it changes nothing, and doesn't affect me one bit, but I'm so affected by it! Let's put this into perspective.

Growing up, Nonno always told me that he was born in Scotland. Dundee to be exact. So I went around telling people that I was part Scottish, on top of all my other parts. Then, a few months before he died and we were filling out his Grandfather Memory Book, he tells me he was born in Northumberland. THAT'S ANOTHER BLOODY COUNTRY. And I was really annoyed to find out. I felt so ripped off, and angry that he had lied to me.

He was just lying about where he was born. He never mentioned having a whole other life before my grandma!

And that might sound like I just don't know about his life before Nan. No, unfortunately, I know too much about his early life. Hell, I even know who he lost his virginity to, and how it happened. I don't WANT to know that, but I do. But he doesn't tell me about a WHOLE OTHER FAMILY. He had a DAUGHTER! And he left her in another country. I know it was different back in those days. When people got divorced they stopped contact with their families (I've seen The Way We Were (Oh, Hubble!)). But... Yeah. I'm being stupid, I know. I'm making a big deal of something that doesn't mean anything in the scheme of things, it doesn't change who people were or are and it doesn't change relationships.

But, at the same time, it does. I wish I didn't know this. I was so close to Nonno, and I remember us having conversations about stuff like this.

****

Meanwhile, I just got off the phone to Nan. I'm not good at keeping secrets, we all know that. And I had a chat to her and we're having a good old chat about it. She never knew for certain. The one time she asked him about it he told her to mind her own business and other typical Nonno stuff. She was a bit confused about how Uncle Dino knew, and was surprised to hear that Nonno told him. Yeah. So weird. It's making my head spin a little.


In other news, I had my second lesson today. It sucked balls. I totally ran out of things to do. I just struggled to think of anything. Anyway, I've got year 8 tomorrow for the first time so we'll see how that goes.

First Lesson

So, I had my first lesson this afternoon. It was OK. I felt really under prepared even though I was prepared... I dunno. The end of it kind of fizzled into nowhere. And the kids were talking through the whole lesson. I did the staying silent thing, the standing next to them thing, the touching the desk thing... none of it worked for very long. We'll see. Also, it's so hard teaching them something they've never read.

I dunno. I have them again tomorrow and I have to think of a way to teach them the theme of love in the play. And make it interesting.

You know what would be good? Having the bloody assessment task. At the moment I'm teaching them to write a speech on themes in the play. The end. Boring.

Anyway, I got some great feedback from Cory so that's really helpful. Argh!

That's pretty much all I can think of at the moment.

Lesson planning is so HARD

So I'm planning my lessons. I wanted to get all of this week's lessons done today. So far, I have... one. Tomorrow's. Awkward.

But really, it's not my fault. It's taken so long to get all my resources together and write out a Much Ado plot summary... then copy and paste one from Cliff's notes...

I thought I'd done really well, and then I realised I basically have only 60 minutes worth of stuff. For a 75 minute lesson. And that's only if the time I've allocated is actually correct - it could take a hell of a lot less time to get through the things I think I'm doing. I think I'll just throw in another speech to analyse if there's still time. Argh.

How to be a BRILLIANT English Teacher

That's the title of the book I'm reading at the moment. It's not really helping. :) It was supposed to give me ideas on how to teach Shakespeare. It hasn't. Fye on you, book!

Here is my dilemma at the moment - I have 8 lessons over the next three weeks to get my year 10 class to understand the themes of a play that they haven't even read. The only thing they've done on Much Ado About Nothing is watch a movie that has a completely different ending and subplot to the actual play. Good.

Last night I went to see Evermore, End of Fashion and The Sundance Kids play at Bar on the Hill at uni last night which was good fun.

Erm... What else is new? Oh, my nan hates me cos I didn't go down to Sydney today. It just isn't worth the $30 in petrol that it costs. Plus the 3 hours of driving time. I know she'd reimburse me for the petrol, but it's not really about that. It's just such a long bloody day to go down just for a few hours. I had planned to get up at 7:30 this morning to go to the markets. My alarm went off at 7:30, I lay there for a couple of seconds trying to muster the energy to rise, decided Fuck it, got a text from Em saying she was too tired, thought, thank gods, then went back to sleep. Until 10:30. By the time I actually got out of bed it was about lunch time. Yeah. Such a waste of a day.

In trip planning news, I'm thinking of skipping France. I know, how disgusting does that sound? It's just that by going to France, I can't go to Italy, and isn't Italy more important, because then I meet all my family? I mean, I could essentially go to France for 10 days and Italy for 10 days, but I don't want to feel rushed. Plus, a lot of those days will be spent getting from one place to another. Argh. I hate decisions like this. And Paris has been my dream for so long. I could go to France during that short time between Lara's sister's wedding and my language class starting. I dunno. I hate thinking. We all know this.

Crisis Averted

Got a text from Corey, my buddy teacher. He's sick so he's not going in tomorrow. I have a day off.

First Day

I had my first day of prac today and it went fine. I basically just observed the first lesson, then for the next two lessons I kind of wandered the room and helped the students? I think? I had no idea what I was doing, and it reminded me that I'm really stupid.

But anyway, he's asked me to create two five minute activities for the year 10 class to do during their lesson. Have I mentioned before that they have 75 minute periods? 75 minutes. Jesus, I would have gone nuts if my lessons were that long. But anyway, 75 minutes of trying to keep a group of students on task. And I only have to think of 10 minutes of stuff. Easy right?

Of course not! We've already established how stupid I am.

Basically their assessment task (which still hasn't been finalised) is to write a speech (but not deliver it) about one of the themes of Much Ado About Nothing. So they're learning about speeches and techniques. They haven't read MAAN, but they watched a modern adaptation. I just watched it tonight. It's got a completely different ending to the play. And one of the themes the teacher has chosen is revenge, but it's not really a theme of the play... I'll talk to him about it tomorrow.

But anyway, so my first 5 min activity is on MLK's "I have a dream" speech. The teacher told me to make the activity about dreams or hopes or something. I really didn't understand what he wanted from me, and I don't really see the point of making an activity about dreams or hopes when it isn't relevant to the topic? I'm so clueless. So after an hour of trawling through Google I got the idea that I could have the activity be the kids writing a short paragraph starting with "I have a dream that one day..." and then putting their own dreams in there, but making sure they include some of the techniques of rhetoric/speech. Ja? Is that OK? I just don't think it's really all that doable in 5 minutes, especially with this class... they seemed a bit slow to start when we had them today.

But then the second activity he wants me to do it on revenge, and was saying maybe show an example of revenge going wrong and how revenge isn't a good option, but I have no idea what I would use for that.

Meanwhile, I'm so tired. I came home and napped. I barely slept last night because it was so bloody freezing. And it was freezing in the classroom today. Yuck. I'm going to layer up tomorrow.

Why am I awake?

So I think I'm going to call my supervising teacher guy and tell him that I'm not comfortable teaching first thing on Tuesday morning. I don't know the class and I don't know exactly what they've been working on and it really isn't fair to throw me into the deep end like that. Only, I won't tell him that when I call, just something along the lines of, I'm happy to help with the lesson, just not comfortable creating it and teaching it all on my own. I'd prefer to start on a lesson where we could at least go through my lesson ahead of time and have the time to adjust it and make it better. That sounds fair, right?

Oh, and I've run out of coffee. I think I'll raid my nan's pantry when I go down there on Sunday. I just can't justify buying coffee for one month. What if I don't go through the whole jar of instant? Or what if I buy ground coffee to put in my drip filter and then can't be arsed with the cleaning so I don't use it all? Or what if I buy a small jar of instant and then find that I run out after three weeks? Then there's a whole week where I'm either coffee-less or I buy a whole new jar and then I'm stuck with a nearly full jar of coffee. You see my dilemma? So I'll get coffee from my grandma and at least that way I haven't wasted my $5.

Wow that's stingy.

In other news, last night was my second last shift at work. So crazy. Tomorrow is my last, then tomorrow night I'm going out to get my drink on. People that read this but I haven't had a chance to ask, you should come to The Junction Hotel from 7:30 onwards. Dinner's at 8. Do it. Be there.

Oh, and I finished watching season 7 (aka, the final season) of Gilmore Girls. What a pile of shit that was. It's like they couldn't give a damn about the characters or the story any more, made everyone parodies of themselves and more importantly, made the clown a charicature of itself. Lorelai had this constant cranky face on, people were just talking for the sake of talking. Honestly, why bother ruining what was a good show with all that shit. Idiots.

So then I had to make myself feel better by watching Priceless again. Ahhhh.

Wardrobe Gaps. And also, a mild whinge (you know, just for something different)

So, many of you will know that I have been thinking about packing for Europe for, oh a few months now. And when I say thinking about it, I mean that I've had several dreams about what I need to pack, each day as I get dressed I think, I wear this often, should I pack it? It's been made even harder recently since I've started wearing things I don't often wear due to lack of money and being sick of wearing the same things over and over again (people who see me often can attest to the fact that I really need to get some new outfits going).

Now, at least before I could say, hey, I don't wear this here so why would I wear it in Europe? Since I've started wearing these clothes again, I have a problem in that I DO wear these things here, so what if I want to wear them in Europe?

I've decided to solve the dilemma of how I would take my "ballet dress" (as it is now called since I bought it to wear to the ballet, not because I like to pirouette in it) that I will be wearing at Lara's sister's wedding by sending it over there. I should probably do that soon. I don't forsee any formal occasions happening before then.

No wait, Mel's birthday. ARGH!

See the dilemma???

Also, I just realised that I don't own any shorts. I'll be going in summer and I don't have any shorts! Actually, I do have some shorts, but they're huge on me. Which sucks because they're really good shorts and were kind of expensive (stupid Torrid). I have one pair of kind-of shorts, but they're a bit big on me too. They stay up if I wear a belt, but it would be nice to have some shorts I don't have to worry about.

But oh wait, it's friggen winter here. AARGH!

Why is the universe against me????? I need to go and buy The Secret. That's what Oprah would do.

I bet Oprah has shorts.

L for Lame

So this is the epitome of lame, but I'm totally chuffed at myself for running for a whole kilometre today. That's a big achievement, considering that before I couldn't even run for a whole metre, and that's just two steps. I ran for 6 minutes and 45 seconds, and possibly could have run for longer but that was all I had to do. It almost makes me want to go to the gym tomorrow and run some more!

Almost.

Really?

Do you really have to be watching TV so loudly outside my bedroom while I'm working on assignments? Really?

PS. I hate you all.

Meanwhile, I went to the opening of Lizotte's last night and it was great fun. I really want to go there and actually eat the food now! The two bites I got were really good. And the entertainment last night was great - some local acts who were fabulous plus Deni Hines, Beccy Cole and Deisel. Oh, and the champagne was great. I held myself back though - oh yeah, self control.

I can't go on because I can't concentrate with all the noise.

Mmmmm yummy

I am currently eating the world's best sandwich - it is peanut butter, banana and honey on wholemeal 9 grain bread. Mmmmmm. It's so good it makes me want to do dirty things to it. If you see any pregnant sandwiches walking around, you know who to sue for child support.

Another one

Yes, I've been getting very video happy here lately, but this is great. I've stolen it off D Listed (of course!) - it's the literal version of Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart.

Oh my Arms

Look, I'm resigned to the fact that I'm never going to be one of those people that love going to the gym. In fact, I hate those people that say things like, "I had the BEST workout," or "I love the endorphins you get from a great workout." First of all, I don't like people who "workout". You exercise. Stop making yourself feel like you've accomplished something. Second, you can't put positive adjectives in the same sentence as the word "workout". It makes you a tool. Third, chocolate gives you endorphins as well and doesn't make you hate the world. The only think I'll give exercise is: "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don't go and kill their husbands." But since I have no husband then there is no point.

And now I am in a world of pain. Today was the worst one yet. Just when I think I'm making a little progress (HA! To me, progress is getting up off the couch to change the channel because our landlords can't be arsed buying us a remote control with more than two channels working on it... so I only watch SBS and channel 10...) the stupid trainer guy goes and does something stupid like spending 40 minutes of our session doing arm stuff.

So here's the thing: I have no strength in my upper body. In fact, maybe the remote control actually works but I just don't have the energy to lift it so the TV sensor can register the fact that I've pressed a button. So tonight he doesn't just make us do the machine arm things, which the bitch knows I hate, but he also makes us do free weights. It was very funny actually - Emma's there doing her thang and lifting the shit out of those hand weights, and there's me struggling to even lift one. I swear I hit myself in the head a couple of times. He eventually took mine down from 10kg to 7.5kg, not that I could tell the difference by then, what with my arms having zero energy left in them. 10kg, 7.5kg, it's all more than 100g, so it is all not going to work for me.

And now I'm hurting. Usually I hurt the next day, and then worse the day after, so it's a bad sign that the pain has already begun.

I would call home and whinge to my nan, but she tends to make my whinging phonecalls all about her: yes, your arms hurt Sarah, but I fell and broke my hip today/ can't lift anything due to arthritis /I had to clean the entire house and now I'm in hospital due to the bleach fumes knocking me unconscious. Whinge whinge whinge. So selfish. Everything's all about her.

Actually, I will call her cos it's been a couple of days since I spoke to her. WHY HASN'T SHE CALLED ME???????

So Clever