Sunday, 1 January 2012

Looking Backwards and Forwards

So, as with most people, I find the end of the year/start of a new year to be a time of reflection.

I spent my NYE with Mikey, one of my favourite people on the planet. It was one of those nights when everyone seemed to have plans and those plans didn't seem to include me. Actually, that sentence sounds kind of mopey. What I mean is, everyone had plans already, and I wasn't really in the mood for anything ridiculous as I think I'm getting the flu. So Mikey and I hung out and watched The Muppets Movie and got all soppy about friendship.

Which brings me to the purpose of this post.

This past year has brought me a lot of turmoil. I haven't had a shake-up like this since high school, which is pretty normal to have fallings out with your friends. I rang in 2011 surrounded by people I thought were friends, only to have them turn around and stab me in the back during the year. It breaks my heart to think about how much I loved these people. Not only did I lose friends, the way in which it occured left me doubting everything about myself: my values, my personality, my ability to be a good friend, etc. I'm still a little shakey, and I'm still left questioning myself, but the soul-searching that this incident required has make me stronger in the end, I feel, and has reconfirmed my core beliefs. I've come to the tentative conclusion that those people were dealing with their own issues and pushed them onto me. It doesn't stop the hurt and the self-doubt, but it helps on a logical level.

At the same time though, what I went through this year has helped to strengthen the relationships that are genuine. The people that have stood by me and supported me, and have never doubted me, even when I doubted myself, have made this year worth the hassle.

Uni-wise, I've passed all my subjects and now only have internship to go! I can't believe I'm only 6 months away from graduating the degree that felt it wouldn't end. I don't want to jinx it, but for me this degree was so difficult - not from an academic point of view, but from a personal point of view - that I'm so proud of myself for what I've accomplished. I know I still have to get over the major hurdle of internship, but I'm confident in my abilities and I know I'll be able to get through it.

I've also really enjoyed the fact that this year I've really gotten into various crafts. I miss having hobbies. At the moment I'm working on a completely paper pieced hexagon quilt. This baby may take me years, but it's a lot of fun. I've also started making my first dress. It's about halfway finished now - just the interfacing and zipper to go. I can't believe how long I put dressmaking off, and how easy it has been!

Now, for the resolutions. I'm not normally one for resolutions, because I hate the idea of setting goals and not being able to achieve them. But I think these ones may be within my limits. I'm dividing them into groups though.

- Graduate.
- Get a job in the country.

- Pay off credit card.
- Use the things you already have before buying new things. OR, use the one in, one out method: for every new item purchased, something has to be thrown out or given to charity.
- Start saving.

- Start working on UFOs (unfinished objects) before buying anything new.

- Actually use gym membership. Twice a week shouldn't be too hard.
- Get proactive about mental health. Do excercises the therapist gives you. Don't put things off or dismiss them as too hard. Take medication on time and regularly!!!

- Don't get too caught up in drama.
- TRAVEL!!! Goal is to go overseas during the Christmas break.

I think that should do it. I should probably start it all by getting out of bed, but I'm so sleepy!


Beau. said...

I love you!

Also we should organise a class we go to regularly at the gym. Just not a scary one like last time.

Sarah said...

Oh you! I love you too, Bo-Bo! And yes, we should go to a regular class. We have to stalk the place for a bit to come up with a class no one goes to...