Urge to be excited - RISING

Ok I'm a bit worried about my trip now because it all looks like it's coming together and I'm starting to get excited. I'm so worried. I have a long history of me getting my hopes up about things and shit not working out. There's a reason I'm a glass half empty kind of person. This isn't a "woe is me life's so hard I cut myself to feel the pain" type thing, this is just 24 years of common knowledge - anything I'm looking forward to doesn't happen, or winds up horrible. Anytime I start thinking, "Maybe this time it's different," it isn't. Mostly it's worse.

So PLEASE don't let this be the same. I want it to be good so so badly. I want to be one of those people where things just work out for them. I can see that I've been self-sabotaging this trip in order to lessen the inevitable blow when it comes. I put off booking it for so long so it ended up costing me a helluva lot more than it could have. I put off organising it for so long that now I have to organise it in only a few weeks (cos I only have a few weeks left of free Lonely Planet guide :P). And other things.

But now it seems to be coming together.

I just got an email from my cousin, Carol, about my England trip. She's offered to let me stay at her place or to just visit with her, plus she's sent me another cousin's email address to get in contact with him, and apparently he's keen to meet me (he's only human). I'm not sure whether I should stay with her or not. I really want to, because it will save a lot of money (although the train ride from their place to London is about AU$20 return), but is it rude to say yes? Hmm. I'll talk to my nan about it.

But yeah, it seems to be coming together. And one of my Italian cousins and I have been having a very garbled chat via Facebook and babelfish about me visiting her when I go to Italy.

Something will explode soon.