Looking Backwards and Forwards

So, as with most people, I find the end of the year/start of a new year to be a time of reflection.

I spent my NYE with Mikey, one of my favourite people on the planet. It was one of those nights when everyone seemed to have plans and those plans didn't seem to include me. Actually, that sentence sounds kind of mopey. What I mean is, everyone had plans already, and I wasn't really in the mood for anything ridiculous as I think I'm getting the flu. So Mikey and I hung out and watched The Muppets Movie and got all soppy about friendship.

Which brings me to the purpose of this post.

This past year has brought me a lot of turmoil. I haven't had a shake-up like this since high school, which is pretty normal to have fallings out with your friends. I rang in 2011 surrounded by people I thought were friends, only to have them turn around and stab me in the back during the year. It breaks my heart to think about how much I loved these people. Not only did I lose friends, the way in which it occured left me doubting everything about myself: my values, my personality, my ability to be a good friend, etc. I'm still a little shakey, and I'm still left questioning myself, but the soul-searching that this incident required has make me stronger in the end, I feel, and has reconfirmed my core beliefs. I've come to the tentative conclusion that those people were dealing with their own issues and pushed them onto me. It doesn't stop the hurt and the self-doubt, but it helps on a logical level.

At the same time though, what I went through this year has helped to strengthen the relationships that are genuine. The people that have stood by me and supported me, and have never doubted me, even when I doubted myself, have made this year worth the hassle.

Uni-wise, I've passed all my subjects and now only have internship to go! I can't believe I'm only 6 months away from graduating the degree that felt it wouldn't end. I don't want to jinx it, but for me this degree was so difficult - not from an academic point of view, but from a personal point of view - that I'm so proud of myself for what I've accomplished. I know I still have to get over the major hurdle of internship, but I'm confident in my abilities and I know I'll be able to get through it.

I've also really enjoyed the fact that this year I've really gotten into various crafts. I miss having hobbies. At the moment I'm working on a completely paper pieced hexagon quilt. This baby may take me years, but it's a lot of fun. I've also started making my first dress. It's about halfway finished now - just the interfacing and zipper to go. I can't believe how long I put dressmaking off, and how easy it has been!

Now, for the resolutions. I'm not normally one for resolutions, because I hate the idea of setting goals and not being able to achieve them. But I think these ones may be within my limits. I'm dividing them into groups though.

UNI
- Graduate.
- Get a job in the country.

MONEY
- Pay off credit card.
- Use the things you already have before buying new things. OR, use the one in, one out method: for every new item purchased, something has to be thrown out or given to charity.
- Start saving.

CRAFT
- Start working on UFOs (unfinished objects) before buying anything new.

HEALTH
- Actually use gym membership. Twice a week shouldn't be too hard.
- Get proactive about mental health. Do excercises the therapist gives you. Don't put things off or dismiss them as too hard. Take medication on time and regularly!!!

LIFE
- Don't get too caught up in drama.
- TRAVEL!!! Goal is to go overseas during the Christmas break.

I think that should do it. I should probably start it all by getting out of bed, but I'm so sleepy!

My Poor Little Neglected Bloggie

Oh Blog, I'm so sorry to have abandoned you. Life just caught up with me and I've been a whole lotta busy.

Since I last blogged, which was a million years ago (literally, not figuratively), I have changed. A lot. My last blog was about me being asked if I'd like to go back to Chicago, all expenses paid, for six months. Um, heck yes I would! But it just came at such an inconvenient time, and I was already a bucket full of crazy, then the thought of having to spend an extra six months at uni in the degree that never seems to end, and the fact that my scholarship people didn't think travelling overseas was a good enough reason to defer for a semester had me deciding to stay.

Then the crazy spilt over the bucket anyway and I spent a month being all hermity in bed, thus failing most subjects for the semester and having to do another six months at uni anyway. But that's OK. I'm back to enjoying uni again, and enjoying life (for the most part) and six months is really a drop in the water when you consider that I'll probably be on this career path for the rest of my life.

Another thing that's happened: I've taken up hobbies! It's all very exciting to actually have hobbies. I've always hated that question, "What are your hobbies?" What do I answer with? "Erm... shopping? Eating? Reading? Sleeping?" But now I can answer with, "Oh, my hobby is just generally being a nanna: knitting, sewing, crocheting. General nanna-y-ness." It's very fun and has been so theraputic. And stressful. Because I always tend to be finishing things at the last minute. Giving hand-made presents seems like a good idea, and it is. BUT, it turns out that deciding to hand make a present, and deciding what to make, actually aren't half the job. For my grandmother's birthday, which was at the beginning of February, I decided to make her a crocheted blanket. I'm still working on it. It's the perfect size at the moment for your lap, and only if you don't want to actually warm your lap up. I'll get there eventually, I'm sure. But I'm still enjoying it all in the meantime.

In a few weeks' time I'll be unemployed due to the store I work in being shut. When I got back to Australia last year I went back to work at that book store. You know, that major chain of bookstores that has gone into administration, which I cannot name due to the effing ridiculousness of the company ( I am SO going to get sued). It's both bitter sweet, this closing. On the one hand, I attempted to quit that bitch back in December due to the management being a bunch of fucktards. Somehow, I wasn't able to (how???) and they convinced me to stay on for just one (miserable) day a week. And now it's closing, and I'm like, "Suck it! You stupid wankers are all unemployed now. I hope it was worth jumping on that sinking ship." But on the other hand, I've been at that place for over three years (minus the overseas hiatus), made myself a little family from there (barely any of which are still working at the store), and, until the last few months, was actually pretty happy being there.

I guess it's like any break up where you start remembering all the good things about the relationship and forget the reason you broke up in the first place - because the other party is a douche.